Source Image by sebadelval
I got up shrugged my shoulders and walked without looking back. I was tired of life, tired of doing, tired of being, this existence seemed valueless. There was no more pain, just that weird numbness that suggests that something is not right, but I was past caring. All that I had believed in came crashing down in a day. Maybe not in a day, I just didn't read the signs right. Now, I didn't care enough to rebuild any of this anymore. There comes a time in life when you just shrug your shoulders and walk away.
My aimless walk took me far from the city to what seemed like a tiny village. It was still afternoon and the harsh tropical sun was burning bright. The people of the village were clearly sensible. No one was seen walking about. I saw a pond near the temple. The water was thick with algae you couldn't see what lay beneath it. The surface of the pond began to bubble and gurgle. Were there frogs or some deadly creature in the pond caused that angry gurgle or was it a refection of my mind? I didn't know nor did I care. My desire for a drink of water just dissipated from my mind.
I sat down under a huge sacred Ficus tree, it had a small circular concrete boundary built around it which served as a bench for the villagers. Their temple was their park, their cauldron of social activity in the evening. God was just an excuse for the rumor mongering that took place there at dusk.
As I sat there contemplating my life looking into the distance. The fields looked fresh and green, there was more time for the harvest, the crop was still young. The wind blowing through the green paddy fields seemed to say there is more to life. Yet, it seemed like what happened had knocked the wind out of my lungs.
A cow could be heard mooing in a distance. The wind was blowing through the leaves and creating a beautiful swishing rhythm. Just watching the green waves it was causing to rise and fall stilled my mind. I lay my body down on the cool, concrete wall.
Her face convoluted with rage made her look like the demon itself, she was not ready to listen and I was in no mood to explain. She was yelling, but it seemed like I was behind a glass wall. I could see her but not hear her. She threw her travel bag at me. She accused me of having an affair with Reena. I could see her mouth forming the name a half a dozen times. Reena was my secretary. Did I really marry this woman? What happened to the simple, loving woman I had known for the last 7 years? I was tired. Sleep embraced me in her arms.
I saw myself walking as I drifted off into a peaceful place far from this madness. I walked through fields of rice and watched the rabbits hop about, a grin of perfect peace plastered on my face, I was a boy once again. I guess I must have slept for a while. Maybe I was more tired than I thought, I sat up and straightened my hair, running my fingers through them. I jumped down and straightened my shirt. I walked on, maybe something will happen tomorrow that will change the events of today, maybe not.
The nap put back the briskness in my walk, a song floated in my head, another day, another time.. and the words
"this is goodbye,
this is the end.
no time left to say.
"I love you"
The words kept playing in my head as I walked away! There was a strange peace within, this was closure, finally.