With his long beard, turquiose hair and a stick he had purchased from a garage sale, the hipster Detective Tikitok walked into the room.
"So, Laugh Wyatt is dead."
The inspector coughed behind him. " Um Wyatt Jones is the name."
Inspector Pentine clenched his fists as he thought of his superior. The chief had decided to hire a consulting detective from a famous social media app to enhance the dept's reputation.
"Laugh Wyatt is how the majority knew him. He brought laughter through his videos about the adventures of his trusty dog - Percy and his pursuit of neighborhood kittens. Wyatt Jones is too tame a moniker for him."
The people gathered arounds the table gave different reactions.
The wife cocked her brow, the younger sister rolled her eyes, the ever-suffering butler grimaced, the assistant nodded solemnly, and the cook tapped her feet impatiently.
"One of you killed him."
Inspector Pentine's balled fists tried to strike Tikitok of their own volition but a long career in the police force prevented him from taking the final step.
"Considering that we're in the middle of nowhere, with only 5 people in the house other than my brother, it wouldn't take a genius to figure that out and clearly you're no genius." The sister said bitingly.
"Well, you're not a genius either, antagonizing the detective. How will that work out for you?"
"I didn't do a thing, you moron so I'm not scared."
Tikitoki huffed.
"Here are the facts - Laugh Wyatt had dinner with his mobile at 9 pm and went to record a video in his room at 9:30. He was found dead in his room and the autopsy stated that he had been poisoned. The poison was confirmed to have been in the coffee. Everyone's whereabouts were as follows - His wife was in a video call with her accountant, cook was in the kitchen drinking iced tea, assistant was looking at videos of cats, the butler was arguing with his second cousin on their group chat and his sister was sitting in the garden, whatever that means. In short, the sister is highly suspicious."
"I was reading a book in the garden, you idiot, ever heard of those?"
"I have a garden in my house. Stop diverting me. Just confess already. Everyone has a decent alibi but you."
The sister stood up and put her hands on her hips.
"His wife was talking to the accountant because she's broke. The cook was probably having long island iced tea because she's an alcoholic. The butler was arguing with his cousin because my brother played a prank on the cousin's mom in the video."
"It is like a bazaar of motives out here. What about the assistant? Didn't he have a motive? And you? Doesn't this house go to you now that your brother is dead."
"The house goes to my brother's dog Percy."
"Let me just add that I get no money, that also goes to Percy, so I have no motive." The wife said.
"I idolized the man and now I'm out of work. There's no way I could have killed him."
"My cousin is okay with the video because Wyatt gave him some money. Why would I kill him?" The butler said.
"I'm in AA, I'm just addicted to sugar now. So, I wasn't drunk and did not kill him in a mad rage."
Tikitok held his hand." I have heard your pleas, let me go shoot a 2-minute video about the case and then I'll decide... I mean deduce who the murderer is."
Inspector Pentine blew out a breath and said nonchalantly.
"It's you, isn't it? How can a cat-loving assistant tolerate working for an employer who posts viral dog chasing cats content?"