Image is mine
People often perceive me as being close minded, but I'll say I'm not and no, this not me being defensive or further proving them right.
The thing is, I hold strongly to my opinions because I do not just form them out of the blues. Before I establish an opinion, it has undergone series of test and event.
I have weighed it in terms of my life experiences, the society, and environment I find myself in, the experiences of people I was fortunate to be previewed about, past occurrences and also the movies I watch because I believe movies are a reflection of our contemporary society.
Again, I will not just share my opinions or thoughts about a given situation or topic if I have not extensively researched and read about it. In fact, in some cases where the subject is personal or hits home, I remove myself from the situation and judge from a third-person perspective to avoid being emotional.
Now, I have noticed that being the way I am, people would often come to want to force their opinions on me. This experience of mine is peculiar with the male gender…. No, this not gender war, I'm just sharing my situation.
Occasionally, they'd even go as far as making derogatory statements or remarks, attacking me on a personal level just to prove a point and shut me up.
When I refuse to cower, they'd go ohhh you should learn to be open to criticisms. Some will say, “I have noticed you don't like listening to other people's opinion, it must be your own which is bad and when they insist you insult them”….
In cases like this, I have mentioned before, how this category of men would sound condescending just to shut me up.
When it gets really heated, I find myself explaining to people (mediators), how I am not a mad person and will not go insulting someone or be hostile to someone who shared an honest opposing view.
Funny how they don't see me being disrespected, but they see me react angrily in self-defense.
Here's what happened some days ago on Facebook.
My friend tagged me to a post where a man shared a screenshot of a lady complaining of being tired of her liability husband. According to the lady, the man lost his job since January, and she's been the one feeding him.
In response to the screenshot, the man shared his experience of how his wife left him when he lost his job, he went further to say he was the one who set up the woman in the business she's excelling at.
I didn't respond to the man's caption but rather, I responded to the screenshot.
I said, “if the man in question has contributed greatly to the life of the woman, and then she can't reciprocate the kindness, then she's ungrateful. Regardless, it gets tiring putting up with a liability for that long because if the reverse is the case, the man might also get tired feeding the woman". We know how most men these days clamor for a working-class wife they can split bills with.
The man responded to me from a defensive point, asking, “did you read the post (his caption)?” He continued, “I don't think the man lost his job since January because a woman like this that is quick to come online to shame her husband cannot put up feeding him for that long.”
To further buttress my point, I shared my experience of how badly I was treated in my relationships when I was jobless.
The moment my ex saw that I was 100% dependent on him, he started trying to clamp down on my social media activities. He spoke to me in the most condescending of manner and treated me like I had no life purpose.
At a point, I fought back and told him enough! He was shocked and went, he's trying to advise me to bring out the best in me, and I am raising my voice at him. I told him, “you don't disrespect me and be verbally abusive to prove a point, you will respect me.” That was how he called the relationship quit.
I didn't know how I was going to survive without him, but I knew it was better than being disrespected.
Along the line, a long time “talking stage” came through, he was still interested in me and continued pestering me for a relationship, so we started dating.
At first, this man was sweet, but the moment he saw that he was my all in all and basically financing 100% of my expenses, he changed, and I'm like, I have seen this toxic behavior before, I am just coming from there, and I am not going back so I ended the relationship.
I finalised my argument by saying, “Fact remains nobody would put up with a liability not even you (the man I was responding to)."
The man didn't respond back, instead my friend took it personally and started attacking me on a personal level….
He said to me, "you were jobless and instead of you seeking employment, you were busy jumping from one relationship to another.”
I was upset, I was livid, but then, this is somebody who has done so much for me. Hence, I wasn't ready to go all out and unleash hell.
It should be worthy to note that the period I was jobless, he was among the people sending my Résumé to his highly connected uncles.
I on my own was also making efforts to secure a job. But then see how he's trying to rubbish me just to shut me up and prove a point.
I wasn't going to be embarrassed by him and chicken out, I stood my ground and insisted nobody should be a liability for that long because cripples do menial jobs by washing cars just to survive.
He attacked back and asked why wasn't I washing cars then? Why was I relying on a man to feed me? I was angry quite alright, but I kept my cool and informed him I wasn't jobless for long, so he can rest now.
Next he came with the emotional blackmail that life is not Nollywood, that it worked for me does not mean others have it easy.
At that point, I backed out and warned him never to tag me in such posts again.
Fast-forward to two days ago, he called me and went, “I know you are angry at me, but you need to stop shutting other people up with their opinions.”
I took three deep breaths to calm my nerves and started pointing out how he disrespected me publicly. Would you believe that he claimed not to be referring to me, but just making a general statement?
I got confused at first and wanted to start doubting my sanity and all that I read from him that day. But then I realized, he was just being manipulative and reaffirmed my stance on holding strongly to my opinions while respecting those who respect me in an argument.