SourceYou see memories flash through your eyes at the presence of death they say, but why is there blankness all over? My mind seems empty and I could not feel pain anymore, it is like an armour I have worn like a soldier always ready for battle only that the cries of battle can’t be heard.
I can see the rage in his eyes like a burning fire, it was hot and unbearable but I couldn’t stop staring because I know it isn’t him, my Jack wasn’t like this until dementia came in.
Jack and I have been married for 40 years and it was the most beautiful and exceptional year of our lives, our home was always filled with laughter and happiness. The love, affection, understanding, and high level of respect were there. We would cuddle and speak sweet words to each other ears, play pranks and games of tag on each other for who needs to cook and give signals on things we find fun.
It was so beautiful that the world got jealous and brought in dementia leaving my beloved soul in shatter, Jack is my all, the reason I breathe and pray death never arrives at our doorstep. He is my prince charming, loving and incredible, an awesome father, a good and beautiful husband, lover, and friend to me. He is all I ever wanted in a man.
How unfortunate though it was that all memories felt and shared were gone when he couldn’t remember anything, including me, it pains and burns my heart and soul but I know Jack will never hurt me so I stuck with him, giving him his drugs, and make him happy at all times. I took a vow which says “better for worse,” I have enjoyed the better part of it and need to fight to overcome the worse together.
Today our 44th anniversary started beautifully, I got a cake baked, the one he loves so dearly which is strawberry cake, and some food to go. He was at ease today which warms my heart and I brought him into the dining room with my phone in hand to play memories recorded of our lives. I had him sit down while I sit closer to him and hit the play button.
We watched together for hours with me giggling and him laughing and I felt alive again with the sound of his rich sound echoing around our home, it was beautiful that it got me teary as I held on to the hiccups that are wanting to be left out.
“Why do you cry my love, I can feel my heart bleed, did anyone hurt you?” he asked innocently.
I sniffed and stood up kissing his cheeks, “No baby, I am fine,” I replied. Picking up a glass of water to pour in water to drink but a deafening sound brought me to my knees, with the sound of the cup which fell from my hand shattered on the cold floor, I looked up and there was my hero standing with a knife in hand, it was like he was in a trance mumbling incoherently while holding unto the cake's knife. His eyes were filled with rage and I almost felt my heart leave my body, I was lost and all thoughts were gone leaving me in blankness, I felt my hand on a tiny little glass that had broken but I couldn’t feel the sting or pain that comes with it.
“What have you done to my world, please don’t hurt my wife, don’t make her cry” he sobbed profusely, kneeling beside me.
I could feel tears roll down my eyes as I move closer to him, I guess my tears earlier had ignited the fire to protect me within his soul, oh my hero, my world, and everything that evolves around it, I held him closely, as I took off the knife in his hands and have it placed on the dining table.
I kissed his lips, eyes, ears and his face, “I am here my superman, no one can ever hurt me with you around." I replied kissing his forehead as I held him tightly and rocked him to sleep.
I am Mary and this is my story, the fire within my marriage. Jack is 72 and I am 66 years old and I love my husband and will forever, dementia or not.
