Good day to you all here in the Inkwell community.
This is something I finally get to realize at some stage of my life. I finally get to know that if you keep searching you might even get lost in your search for something that isn't lost.
There was a time when in my university days, I have always admired a lot of ladies in my life. Many that I can't even take a count of. But this depends on our experience at that stage. Are we truly in love with them or just mere infatuations?
I admired some girls in my elementary school days when I didn't even know the definition of love or what love was back then. There are some random ladies I had a crush on even as a stranger without getting to know them before. At first sight, I get to appreciate such a beautiful personality.
Back to my story. Her name was Jessica. She is such a beautiful lady. One thing I love about her is her seriousness and dedication to her studies. Another aspect is her friendliness and lovely way of approaching. I know I can't get that close to her because of my shy attitude but I hope someday my dreams come to reality.
She is always sitting at the front in classes for lectures. Most times I try to get closer to her by having my seat next to her. She never knew my heart and feelings about her. She is just dedicated to her academics. How I wish she could see through my heart.
There was a time when the situation got worse. I know it's not easy crushing on someone especially when such a person already has a lover. The best of love is the love you get when you are loved in return by whom you love. You can't be in a love triangle and call that love.
Yeah, it happens though. That there are times when you love or crush on someone who doesn’t even care about you, meanwhile such a person is also crushing on another person who doesn’t care about them. And you on the other end had some people admiring you so badly but you aren't aware of that.
I was grouped into the same practice with her. I was so happy to even get so close. There are four of us in the group. At first, I found it hard to speak with her. You know how overwhelming it could be when you get to meet your favorite celebrity for real. That was how I felt then. I would have loved to have surgery and leave my heart opened for her to see through but it just can't happen.
Days passed by, and my friend finally got to know about her. He realized I am always smiling after the practical session. He then asked me if I was probably infatuated with her.
He advised me to express myself to her despite the secrecy. That there is no way she will see through me unless I express myself. I felt reluctant to do that because I never want to get myself hurt, especially by her. I prefer playing along with my blind games.
My friend on the other hand after getting to know she is my secret crush went beyond his lane. He went to meet with her and told her how much I admired her. He also kept it a secret from me but kept watching how the game would play out.
This went on even after the practical classes. The practical gave me a chance to get closer. We gist about life stuff and some other academic-related stuff too. It was an honor to be around her.
We were having a conversation someday about secrets in marriage. She gave a lot of life examples from her family and even her personal experience. She said there was a time when she had to keep her genotype a secret because of a guy she liked so much but it affected her in the end because the guy later demanded they visit a clinic for the test and the secret she was trying to hold got revealed. It made them have their different ways.
She told me how much she admired me too. 😂. I was shocked. She said she knew all along that I have a crush on her. And she also admires me and appreciates it so much. Now I know it's either my friend leaked my secret to her or she must have been having the same secret crush on me too.
I went home to my friend, and narrated the story and he laughed so hard. He confessed he was the one that told her. I liked her but I just know we can't be together. We are still good friends to date.
HEADER IMAGE: By Madison Inouye on Pexels and edited canva app
