We are what we are today as a product of our past experiences. The good, the bad. The happy, the sad. Every moments in our life are all important parts of us that can help for us to be a better person today and every mistakes we encounter can be a learning experience. That said, there are moments in our life that we prefer to have never happen to begin with and would want to be removed in our life if we have the ability. In regards to that, this post will be about the two moments in my life that I want to be erased.
Within this paddy field happens the event of my first regret, going back around 20 years ago when I was still in elementary. While walking home from school with my other two classmates, we came across this same field and as we do, we started to push one another into the field. It was a simple frank or so was what I thought but while I was pushing my classmate, he ended up losing his balance and fell to the field with his head first and bumped into a stone, resulting for him to cry with his head gushing with blood. Without knowing what to do, we rush towards his parents to tell them what happened, except the fact that I pushed him and right away, they rushed him to the hospital where he spend a day as his head needs to be stitched. As the one responsible for his condition, I was really nervous of what will happen to me once he comes back and reveal what really happens but to my surprise, he never say a single thing about it and just acts as if nothing happened. But even if he acts like that, I know what I did and I did something that could endanger the life of a person close to me that is why even now, there are times that I reflexively avert my eyes when talking to him.
What you see is a copy of my report card during my final year in high school which symbolizes the second event in my life that I want to be erased. To provide more context, I was not by any means a smart student but I can at least say that I am hardworking within my first three years in high school and never got grades bellow 80 but following the death of my father, I was forced to transfer from the private school that I'm studying to a public one due to financial difficulties. Being in a new environment, I tried to cope with my new peers to build new connections but by doing so, I also get their bad habits such as skipping class and spend my time playing games on internet café. During this time, I have little supervision as my mom needs to go back to Saudi to work and will only be looked by some relatives from time to time. As a result my grades continue to drop to the point that I almost fail and although I didn't, this comes to bite me later with the universities I'm aiming for requires to have good grades to enter. Adding salt to the wound, my mom returns from Saudi after 6 months of working after her employer stopped paying her salary and physically abuse her. It was a miracle that my mom was able to escape from her employer and safely return back to Philippines to only see my poor grades after all the things she goes through. If only I did not messed up this part of my life, study in my preferred university, I might be able to find more success in life.
The thing is we cannot change or removed moments that took place in our life no matter how much we want to. We need to accept them as part of our past and use those experience to grow as we continue our life.
That was it for me. Thank you for reading my post and see you on the next one!