The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said
- Peter Drucker -
A common topic is the one about Gender Equality in work, leadership roles, salary, assurances and so on.
And I am totally ok with that. I think that working and some other aspects have to be on a meritocratic base and not on a gender base.
And when it comes to dates? Should be always the male making the first move?
I have to be honest: it was triggering for me as I was much shy. BUT, the emotion felt when asking her to go on a date was definitely worth all the shyness. Even if it ended with a yes or a no.
I like remembering the first date with Mary, that was almost a chance, as in the afternoon we were together on a working appointment and we went out for dinner. Maybe a couple of red wine helped but then we started hanging out together on a more stable base.
Source: the Author. Me and Mary in Turin, in 2019
Also my previous relationship started with quite a singular invite: we were me, her and Vincenzo, a male friend of mine studying together in June 2011. I was having the written exam of Industrial Chemical Processes I on the day after. We studied until late and when the time came to bring her back, I offered myself to accompany her.
In front of the College where she was living, I asked her out and she said “yes”.
I almost slept nothing that night and the exam, that was at 9 am the morning after, went crazy with a 29 out of 30 mark. Almost the top score.
In the first case I asked her out while with Mary, we were out and we decided that we could try to spend some time together more. And then we got married the last year.
Source: Author. Here is one of the first pictures I had of Mary in Verona (where I lived when we start dating)
I think that there are too many misconceptions about women asking men out, as the common seen would feel that if a woman asks a man out either the man has no “guts” or the woman being of easy virtue.
Under a tantric perspective, woman represents the energy in the couple while man represent the focus and “verticality”. Meaning that in the game-play of courtship, woman should trigger the man to act but nothing stops the woman from taking the first action as well.
Like in a couple there is a game of balances, where both parties while growing are moving the balance but the couple must keep the balance to avoid the couple to break up also in the first date there can be some balance. There is no demanded first move to a male while female must be sure to express their interest when there is some.
To avoid misunderstandings, unsaid things, time lost and so on, I ask myself:
why kiddos and grown kiddos are playing the role of who should act first and they do not simply follow their heart, sharing what they feel with the person the like/love?
Source: Author. Me and Mary on the longest Tibetan-like bridge in northern Austria. It was more than 400 metres long with 150 metres of height on the ground. And I was suffering a loot of vertigos, but I decided consciously to take that bridge to challenge my fear.
Communication is key, no matter if starts from the male and the female.
Communication is love and love is caring of others. Let’s take care of others by communicating.