Firstly, nobody should be in an abusive relationship, but the thing is, plenty of times, people in abusive relationships think they are helpless, but they are not.
Fact is, you only give your abuser as much power when you allow them to maltreat you.
If you look at the cases of abuse, the abused is always the dependent one. Most people, especially women, will put up with abuse for these two major reasons:
*1). They are broke, and their meal ticket is dependent on their abuser.
2). They come from a loveless home, they come from an abusive home, so that's the only thing they know and the only treatment they are accustomed to.*
One time, I saw a video on Facebook and the woman was badly beaten by the husband. She was admitted and when she got better, she went back to her husband's house only for her to be beaten again and guess what guys? She remained with the man, living under the same roof and sleeping with her abuser.
The video did not go down well with me thus, I commented, “the way women allow themselves to be beaten by men, it can never be me.” A lot of women came for my head. Comments like “how dare you blame the woman for being abused were flying everywhere.” (My reason for blaming the abused will reveal itself soon, stay with me).
Another time, a woman posted about how her boyfriend abused her for years and would even beat her up in public. She talked about how her boyfriend one time stripped her naked at her gate because he came and saw her talking to a man.
I read her story and for every time the man abused her, she always remained with him. Even when her friends tried to help her, she went to tell her boyfriend, who excommunicated her from her friends. It was when the boyfriend left her to go and marry someone else her eyes became clear.
I also dropped a comment and faulted her. Again, people came for my head. In this case, they said I have not met an abuser that's why, I have not seen someone that will track me to wherever I'm hiding and beat me up or worse, murder me. Thus, to them, it was better she stayed and took all the beating. But then what if she or the other woman had died?
I mean, we in Nigeria hear cases all the time about women who are beaten to death by their husbands. In fact, just last week here one happened, she was pregnant and sickle cell. In that her condition, her husband persistently turned her into a punching bag and her family kept commanding her to remain in the marriage because divorce is a taboo and a shame.
Now, the thing with abusers is that they go for the weak link. The moment you condone even the lightest of slaps? You have given your abuser power and authority over you.
In these stories, what do these women, including the commenters, have in common? Low self-esteem and self-worth and they are all coming from a home void of love, a family who doesn't care about them.
I am giving these instances to sum up my advice for anyone in an abusive relationship, because I have been there too.
I have shared on hive before how my boyfriend back then in the University slapped me and how I retaliated with a resounding slap, thereafter running for my life before he could recollect himself.
You see that run that I did? That was also the end of the relationship.
NEVER YOU GO BACK TO AN ABUSER, the moment you defend yourself and escape, that should be the end. If you cannot defend yourself, no problem just make sure you leave never to return.
Abuse can also be verbal, when he or she uses offensive words to classify you, always downgrading your effort and make you feel less of a human being. It can also be tagged emotional abuse.
I had also put up with verbal abuse, this I did for years until I called myself to order one day. I first identified the reason for me putting up with such, and then I realized I was heavily dependent.
After that realization, I picked up my certificate, dusted it and started applying for jobs.
The moment I started earning, I walked out of that relationship without ever looking back.
One vital point about being abused is that we can only control how people treat us by the way we react to how we are being treated.
With my life experiences, I have also come to the realization that what you allow becomes your reality.
You are a human being, and you are deserving of love, make love your reality, because if you love yourself, you will not let being a punching bag become your reality. You will not allow being humiliated, ridiculed or being talked down on a life you'll put up with.
Even animals are loved and defend themselves from cruelty, so what's your excuse as a human being?
STRIVE TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT and set standards on how you want to be treated so the moment you are being treated less, walking away becomes a walk in the park.
All images are mine