Two interesting conversations were on offer at work, before I had even finished my first cup of coffee. Both were about parenting, but will mention only one in this article, and how there is pressure to encourage kids to "fit in" with their peers. After all, no one wants to be left out of the group. It is rare, but my colleague has much the same viewpoint as myself on this, but has felt that he is an outcast for having it.
Don't fit in.
Perhaps it sounds silly, but I don't want my daughter to fit in with her peer group, if it means being like them, doing like them, consuming like them. This is nothing against the kids themselves, but in her class of fifteen children, five are so unruly the teacher spends most of the time with them, and there are less than five kids who are actually interested in learning at all. That doesn't speak to a very healthy academic future average.
But it isn't just about school, because ultimately, academic success doesn't matter, unless it is translated into life successes. What constitutes success is personal, but I wonder how many people feel successful if they "fit in" with their peer group who are all struggling in various ways to live a decent life. How many people aspired to a good life when young, only to realize as they age that they haven't done what it takes to have it?
Why do people want to be average?
We are all average in the majority of ways, no matter who we are, but aiming for average seems to be a strategy best suited to people who are already below average. Shouldn't we aspire upward? Climb higher, not lower.
My colleague's son has some similar complaints as my own daughter, where she feels at times she doesn't fit in, but then when she witnesses what others are doing, she doesn't want to do those things. For instance, she had a vacation last week from school, and one of the days she spent the morning with one of her classmates who visited us. They went to the park to play, and as soon as they were there, the other girl pulled out her phone and sat there scrolling something. My daughter played alone anyway. Later, she told how her friend has to walk three times to the store and back as exercise, before she is allowed to be on her phone.
Is these the kinds of habits we want in our children?
I suspect not, but if in order to fit in, I have to support my child to do the same kinds of things, to talk the same way, to be as addicted, as inactive - is that what is best for her? As a parent, I want what is best for her in the long term, because the future is where most of her life is expected to be lived - not right now. And then, even if we are looking at maximizing the moment, is on a screen as a consumer, living the best moments of life?
But I think it is also worth looking at how "average" might play out in the future, on average. Because while there might be safety in numbers, there isn't a lot of opportunity for individuals. Look at it from an investment perspective, where the first in are the ones that will take on the largest risks, but also get the largest gains. Once everyone else starts investing into the same area, the potential gain percentage decreases accordingly for them. Get in early before the masses, and things are looking good.
Similarly, the skills that are both in demand and paid well, are the ones that are also scarce, hard to find, hard to learn, hard to procure. The average person doesn't have scarce skill resources, and while I don't know exactly what will be in demand in the future, I suspect that it isn't going to be the skills learned by the consumptive masses.
I am average, I don't know what constitutes are great life, but I am pretty sure that the average person at the moment doesn't feel that their life is that fantastic, that they would want their children to have an identical life to themselves. I imagine most parents want better for their children.
Or am I mistaken?
Children are probably the largest investment we make in our lives, yet we seem to treat them these days like a car that we expect to depreciate in value. Yet we seem to forget that we aren't doing what we do or don't do for them for ourselves to enjoy, it is for them and their future. It might not be convenient, it might take a lot of work, and there may be a lot of uncomfortable situations, plenty of tears along the journey, and they might never appreciate what was done until they have their own children, but that is the way it goes.
In a couple decades from now, a lot of what we do today will have changed, but I am pretty sure that one thing will remain the same. The people who have the best lives, will be in the minority, not the majority.
Some things don't change.
Taraz
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