This post is sponsored by #Bullshit token... the only true shitcoin to breath shity life into the hive blockchain 😂
Picture the Scene...
It was 2017 and a fresh faced raj808 had just stumbled across Bitcoin. Buoyed up by his best friend's story of paying off his mortgage using the gains from a 2015 Bitcoin investment, this pigtailed crypto virgin skipped happily onto Coinbase with a pocket full of dreams & his life savings and deposited a few thousand pounds...
The next six months would see him descend into the depths of crypto depravity 😵
From the pure clean hit of Bitcoin Sensimilla, his rapid descent to the crack pipe that is shitcoin investment saw family members weeping tears for a lost innocence, calling out to an uncaring god for the sanity of their only child.
Meanwhile... raj808 bought his first pot of Ethereum with some of the coinbase BTC purchase...
and unaware of the horror that was winging its way toward his wallet, beady eyes watching this naive buffoon prancing around crypto Facebook groups without a care in the world.
The First Hit on the Shitcoin Crack Pipe is Sooo Good...
and came in the form of an ICO for a project called Faceater.
The FACE token (faceater) was supposedly a revolutionary technology that would use FACE tokens to fuel a global ecosystem of face recognition security algorithms, equipping businesses and private citizens in South Africa with truly space age security camera systems.
The crazy thing is that I remember at the time having a vague inkling that this level of sophistication wasn't even possible with current technology, but tweaking on the heady fumes of shitcoin crack, I sent the equivalent of $200 worth of ETH (at summer 2017 prices) to the ICO and received my shiny new FACE ERC20 tokens in my metamask wallet.
Now that same amount of ETH (0.92 ETH) I sent to Faceater would be worth $1,462... and the current value of my 3500 FACE bag is $2.98, trading at 0.00000002 sats on HitBtc... not even worth the gas fee it would cost to send them to the exchange 😂
Meanwhile the Faceater team have fucked off to their million dollar compound in Ecuador and upgraded their servers to produce evermore elaborate and new strains of shitcoin... leaving their intern Stacey to play the long con in the official Faceater telegram group just in case they want to try and grind any more newbies nut sacks for some extra ETH with a super secret rebrand token sale.
Check out MAK above in the chat... with rapier wit like that
Will you understand more than our great team?
how could you ever doubt the almighty wisdom of 'the great team'. Especially with intern Stacey patiently explaining the technological nuances of how a future fortune 500 tech giant works...
The rest an the most important part of the team is behind the scene.
Nice to know there is a 'happening Faceater Scene' in South Africa Daddyo. When do I get my invite to the party!? 😞
What I really love about the Faceater telegram is how much they are blatantly taking the piss out of all and anyone who is hanging on desperately hoping this project isn't the massive scam it is. Check out intern Stacey above, announcing Faceater Stage 1 (3.5 years after taking everyone's money in the ICO) where you can Get Your Personal Surveillance! Now Free...
Yes... for no money at all you can get a faceater camera installed in your toilet bowl, providing state of art surveillance where you need it most, all while secure in the knowledge that Faceater's multilevel server technology will scramble images of your dangling gonads keeping them from prying eyes. Just send one payment of 2.5 ETH to address supplied in DM to activate your account and they will send 2.6 ETH back as a special gift for 'loyalty customer'. Terrible grammar is also free!
And if you're not convinced yet... the professional team at Faceater would like to reassure you that token burns are happening almost daily to boost the price of the token. As Delusional World - fckn love that username - reminds us...
there is just good news that 42694 FACE were burned yesterday and instead of exciting there comes the fudders who has low life!
Quite right! I can tell you that I am exciting that fudders get to come with the news of a token burn... I'm exciting all up in my pants right now! FACE is about to explode from 2 satoshis to surpass bitcoin and take its rightful place as the leading cryptocurrency, all while I have free access to space age toilet bowl surveillance to keep my new millionaire mansion safe from jealous fudders. I'm most definetly not going to be living low life... high life for me being part of Faceater family.
If all you fudders aren't convinced by now, there is nothing I can do other than leave you with the wise words of oracle, cryptocurrency mystic and illegitimate son of John Macaffee, Delusional world...
Low life fudders can't digest the progress being made
Yes, it is a hard 'progress pill' to swallow.
Everytime something positive shows up you come here and throw mud, have a break
Wise words indeed!
Ye who cast the first stone shall feel the full force of the shitcoin police right up in your business. So beware, because Faceater are watching you from one of their million surveillance terminals, and Delusional world is extremely exciting to bust you for flagrant mud throwing! 😅😅😅😅
In conclusion... Godbless the Shitcoins
Honestly, it is almost worth the loss in ETH for the epic lols that Faceater have provided me over the last year or two. I think most crypto investors go through something like this as a baptism of fire, and there have been two other shitcoin projects that I invested in that have come to nothing.
Each one taught me a lesson.
Cobbinhood (COB), to cash the fck out when things have done a 10x. And Xrweb, to not always trust people on a decentralized network.
But, the faceplant with faceater is my most epic shitcoin failure to date, and hopefully my last! Bleedin south African rip off artists 😂
I wrote this post in response to @st8z hilarious satire announcement post for their #bullshit ($BTS) token... BULLSHIT Token Whitepaper V.00.01 | Claim Your $BST Now!, check it out for some more shitcoin shits and giggles.
- BULLSHIT Token - Underground is way above
The BULLSHIT Token has the claim to become the shittiest Shitcoin of all Shitcoins. The non-plus-ultra of meaningless projects with the goal of delivering absolutely no benefit. Instead of pretending that we can make profits in 10 years with some profitable product and thus let early investors profit, we want to be honest: We don't give a shit. We don't want to make profits, we want to yolo every penny, if any. Our analyst has suggested in each case to buy the stocks that are currently particularly pushed in r/WSB. This way we could always buy at the most expensive price and sell after the attention flattened out,
Source @st8z post: BULLSHIT Token Whitepaper
They promised an airdrop of Bullshit tokens to anyone who wrote a shitcoin story post... so it seems my shitcoin adventure isn't over yet.
Time to fire up that crackpipe one more time.
Nothing in the this post constitutes financial advice. Smoking crack isn't cool, and neither is investing in shitcoins! These are my opinions and all investments should be researched and entered into at your own risk.
If you have enjoyed this satirical post, please check out my homepage @raj808 for similar content.
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