A few days ago I came across a few comments on hive that I wasn't very happy with; They didn't relate to me, or anyone I converse with regularly, however to me they seemed harsh, inappropriate and rude. There's no gain to be had from revisiting them, or the individuals involved, although I wanted to share a couple thoughts inspired by the event.
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People often find it really easy to judge others, most often based on the smallest bit of information like a glance or random and isolated occurrence, rather than an understanding of the full picture.
Judging is easy, delving into the crux of the matter somewhat more complicated. Perception is reality for most too...You know, G-dog shoots guns, so mush be a redneck, gun-toting criminal. Yep, if that's how a person sees me, then to them that's what I'll be. But perception isn't always reality, mostly not even close. It was perception that sparked the comments I mention above, as far as I can tell anyway, and it continued from there. I didn't see it as warranted, justified or deserved personally, although this sort of thing is replicated all over social media and in real life.
The thing is though, that most often when someone attacks others it's not necessarily all about the attackee; Many times the attacker is lashing out due to a lack within themselves: Self-esteem or worth, maybe anger at oneself for a transgression one can't find forgiveness for, lack of validation, jealousy...Many reasons...Sometimes just because the person is an asshole too I guess.
Esteem means respect and admiration...You know, things like I hold so and so in high esteem...It's not reserved for other people though, we can feel it as well, ourselves. It's a good feeling too, feeling good about oneself, confident, capable and so on. But many people feel low self-esteem and that's where problems can start.
I don't believe low self-esteem is reason for someone else to drag others down but for some unknown reason they can, and do feel this way.
Today I wanted to share something I learned a long time ago. I'm not going to go into the psychology of why someone feels vindicated to tear others down because their own lack, I'm not qualified to do so, but I feel qualified to share something I learned many years ago and have used to good advantage.
The easiest way to increase one's self esteem it to increase someone else's.
A simple enough concept, but one simply not used enough.
I've been at the receiving end of people's attacks on occasion; I think most of us have, and whilst those people may have got some momentary up-feeling in the long term later they probably feel even worse than they did before, or just the same, which is the same thing as feeling worse I guess. By increasing someone else's self esteem though, one gets rewarded with gratitude, happiness and usually a smile...A much better set of feelings to take away I'd say.
It's not difficult to increase people's self esteem either...Usually a thanks I appreciate you is enough. A compliment (genuine of course), a warm smile and some kind words, a little genuine praise maybe, holding a door for someone, carrying something heavy a, I hope you have a nice day, comment...It makes other people feel they are worthy of such acts...It goes far beyond that of course, but I want to keep this simple.
I'll be honest, sometimes I'm grumpy as hell and want to tear someone a new one, you know? Sometimes I just want to lash out, especially when bad news hits...But is that bad news your fault and is lashing out at you and making you feel worse going to help that bad-news situation? Nope, of course not.
So, I squash those thoughts, compliment someone, smile, thank someone for their efforts, praise people...Basically drive the negative feelings downwards to be replaced with positive ones. Sure, the bad thing needs dealing with, but if I'm in a better frame of mind I'm better able to do so.
I don't know why people vomit such negativity onto others with the expectation of it improving their own feelings...It doesn't. It would be much better for them to improve someone else's feeling of self esteem and worth...Those feelings are reciprocal.
I'm interesting in hearing your thoughts on the matter...Have you felt the same as me or do you totally disagree? Have you had similar experiences, or even been the attacker on occasions? Do tell.
Thanks for reading.
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Be well
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