So woke! Speaking about kindness as if we don't know about it?
That's the reaction I assume should come up in people's mind when they hear about Kindness. After all kindness is indeed something that we all know from childhood. We know about kindness by seeing kind people. Sadly at times you learn about it by seeing lack of kind people around you. Either ways we know about it, and we have been told kindness is good. So why are people trying to make such a fuss for something that should be as simple as eating or sleeping or being polite.
And what is KINDNESS!!!
I am sure we will find many definitions for Kindness but instead of checking for it or checking AI, I decided to instead use the good old Miriam Webster to find out synonyms and the screenshot below is what I got:
Synonyms are so much better sometimes to get the feel of a word. And the synonyms that catch my eye here are :
- Grace
- Mercy
- Blessing
Others like service, courtesy, and benevolence are good too, but there is something about the first three that make it top for me, especially since I started interacting with @gregscloud
Grace
Grace is a word which in one form or another is present in every culture. Many times grace is what divides a civilized person from others. It is a word which again seemed something connected to religion when I was young. However as I grow older I find the value of Grace,
- Grace in one's behavior, with elegance, humility, and refinement,
- Grace in life, being thankful for it to the lord above, if you are religious; or to the cosmic energy, or evolution that made us, if you aren't
- And Grace which leads to mercy and forgiveness.
Mercy
Mercy is a word with which I had a different route. As a child I found it very easy to be merciful. Of course when hurt or upset immediate reaction was to be upset and cut off all interaction with the other person. But within a few minutes the innocent childish heart would forget the issue and forgive the other person unconsciously, going into interaction with them again. However as I grew older mercy seemed to be a weakness. Not just weakness, at times it was treated as a handicap, and interestingly even arrogance. " How can you have mercy for someone who did something wrong to you, do you think you are Mahatma Gandhi, or Martin Luther King or something. Be practical and don' go on these flight of virtue - it will just cause complications." And I am not alone in hearing this. If you don't believe me, just go onto any major social network and write against the death penalty, and wait for the comments to flow.
However as I grow older and read better, it is clear to me that mercy is important, not for the other person, but for oneself. Because without forgiveness one cannot let go of the anchoring nature of that negative situation on our lives. Without mercy we are just letting that situation and that person live in our heads for free. And I don't mean to be impractical either. If there is a legal case to follow, or a debate to be had, or a position to be taken, go ahead and do it. Do an action towards solution, no issues. But don't just fester in your situation so long that you don't realize that the underlying issue is not longer valid.
It is not easy. Especially when forgiving someone can be taken as betrayal from others who might also be adversely impacted by the situation, and don't see things as you do. However once again doing the Kindness week with @gregscloud brought forth another angle of this that I will handle later.
Blessing
Blessing was just a word for me. We got it from the lord, even when I am agnostic (I mean why take a chance, right?) And in India we get blessings from our elders for everything we do. And blessings of our teachers are very important if we want to be successful in life. And so one...
However blessing being something that you could give came to me from another person here, @dreemsteem. When she speaks about making people's lives better, and helping people, and awarding people as encouragement she uses the word blessing. Now, I have met a lot of wonderful people here on Hive and have been lucky to fall into a tribe of people who are always looking out to help each other. So that was normal after meeting them. However this use of blessing seemed so pure that it has stuck in my mind.
It also made me think of what blessing I could give. I was so stuck in the idea of elders giving blessing to me, I had not realized that I am an elder now, and inherently I can not just wish people for the best (like I often do) but rather bless them for the same. It has been a major change in the way I was looking at myself.
What did Greg change?
It is clear that I have thought of many of these ideas before. So what changed for me with Greg's week of kindness. Nothing much, and the whole universe. Again it was an idea that I have been exposed to before, but it took Greg to point it out to me to push me into a satori state.
For me kindness was something to be pursue outwardly, towards others. Maybe even be virtuous about it.
However all the discussions happening with my own reflections, added to the action of joining and making friends on Hive had made my mind ready to be shaken. Coming after multiple sessions with #CWH with @alessandrawhite and a wonderful supportive group of creatives, and PYPT with @shadowspub where the discussions with the audience are wonderful, and the Discord channel of Dreemport and Terminal, all of it was showing me this truth that Greg finally managed to push into my head.
And it was simply "Put on the oxygen mask yourself before helping others"
It has changed me fundamentally. The idea that one needs to
- Have Grace for oneself. Respect your self and be kind to yourself.
- Have mercy on yourself.
- Bless yourself.
has been a life changing milestone. Again not cause it is new information, but I feel like I have the permission to consider myself
So Be Selfish?
It was crazy to think this way. It still is. How can I think of myself like this. I will just turn selfish. Am I just going to be "me, me, me"
No, it will not be that way. We don't change as people fundamentally. So if we are not selfish now we are not going to be selfish if we are kind to ourselves. And we are not saying that don't accept that a mistake has been made and it has to be resolved. Just don't beat yourself over it.
But still why?
What really hit me hard is that it is not just important but mandatory for you to be kind to yourself if you want to be kind to others. If we don't have the ability to be forgiving, kind and merciful to oneself, how are we ever going to truly be kind to others. Again being kind does not mean to not be practical, and live life with actions and consequences. Being kind just means to be intentional for the positive things you do, and to be intentional in how you treat yourself.
And this is my idea of kindness now.
Like charity, Kindness should start from home, and Kindness is an essential component for a peaceful and fulfilling life.
So You Are All Solved
Not at all, not by a far shot. But I am sure I know what the medicine is. And I have informed my wife about it and I have this wonderful community to keep me honest. It is absolutely not easy. Especially as kindness slips when it is to oneself, and also when it is with the people closest to you. Without intentional kindness it is so much possible that we are casually cruel to people closest to us, without even meaning to be.
So I can see it is going to be a journey. However I am confident that it is something I will cover, and I am aware that it is a timely intervention for my mental health. So I am all in on the #dreemerkindness bandwagon.
And I make great Dad Jokes, so why not join me on this #kindness train?
For those interested check out the Kindness community and follow @gregscloud to know more. I also hope to write more on the subject.
Sources:
- Image created by me on NightCafe Studio Creator using Stable Diffusion.
- Gif created by me on Canva
- Screenshot of Online Miriam Webster for a query of the synonyms of the word kindness.