Testimonies are ways to inspire people especially in moving closer to God. I love hearing some testimonies that will make me move closer to God because I want to receive such miracles too. Testimony is a way of telling you that God does exist and still working miracles for those who believe and have strong faith.
But testimony has turned into something else that only makes you laugh so hard when someone is giving his or her testimony and most times, doesn't move or inspire someone. When we are told to come to give our testimonies, many people would come out and by the time you listen to them, while some, you are moved with tears and feel so emotional but in the end, you bless God for their lives but others, you just keep smiling and thinking “Is this a testimony or show off?”.
For the time I have been in a gathering of brethren, I have encountered different types of people who give testimonies and how it goes.
These are the ones I was able to gather but I don't mind if I can have more in the comment section.
Note: The announcer will say something like this;
“If you know you have a testimony to share with us in the house of God, kindly signify by raising your hand. Please, go straight to the point. What happened and what God did for you. Make it short and it's just 2 mins. If you are singing, sing. If you are sharing your testimony, share but don't sing and share at the same time. Thanks. (Handing over the Microphone to each set of individuals now.)
The short and simple details type of people.
“Praise the Lord! I just want to thank God for the salvation of my soul and for adding another year to my year. I am plus one today or I will be plus one in a few days time.”
“Praise God! God saved me from a severe headache last night”
Just as these sets of people, they don't go beyond the time. They keep to time and never waste people's time.
“Praise the Lord! I have a song to appreciate God with. Thanks for listening...” (They sing a song while the whole church sings with them)
These kinds of people also keep to time and are conscious when they pick a song to sing.
The “Just” and show- off type of people
Yoruba people will understand this word mostly used by some people especially the ladies when they are giving testimonies.
They will be like;
“Praise the Lord! I don't even know where to start from sef (the congregation will echo, start from anywhere) I don't even know, I just want to give God the glory “sha” I don't know what to say but I “sha” give thanks to God.”
They would start twisting every part of their bodies and moving from one place to another.
I see them as showing off and do not respect God. Why did they come out? To show off because the “sha” they used is like disrespecting God and being forced to give testimony.
These type of people thinks they are smart and can just use the chance to do both. They will be like;
“Praise the Lord! God saved me from an accident last week on my way to work. I couldn't believe what happened because I almost jumped off the tricycle carrying me. It has been God and He has been faithful. I want to use this song to appreciate His safety in my life (they start to sing)”
These people already used their time and the congregation would start murmuring. Lol
The long details type of people
Hahahaha. Here comes the boss of them all. Just be ready to hear different narration and laugh.
They hold the microphone and be like;
“Praise the Lord! Children of God, praise the Lord. God saved me from a gunshot last month. This was how it happened...”
At that moment, we already know the person would go beyond the time given.
The testifier Continues...
“I was in the bus on my way to my place of work. I am a manager in my office. My car had a fault and it was with the mechanic. As we were going, a woman sat beside me and we were talking. The next thing was gboooaahhh. We had a gunshot and our bus packed immediately.
As we were trying to find a way, someone came behind me and pushed me away telling me to bring all I have.
I gave them my phone and money, I was shouting Jesus in my mind. The next thing was peewee, they shot someone and at that moment, I couldn't breathe. I was lost but I continued shouting Jesus.
The next thing I heard again was “Hey woman, get up why are you disturbing us with this Jesus?” They pointed a gun at me and I screamed blood of Jesussssssss. Then, they left and we continued.....”
At this moment, the announcer would be giving signals to end it.
So, what did the Lord do for you?
Children of God! This woman has been saved from death. Thank you ma, can you go back to your seat
Then the next thing that would make the whole church shout would be;
“My second testimony again is that...”
The brethrens would shout and murmur as the microphone would be collected from the testifier 🤣🤣🤣
This is my entry for The COMedy Rumble contest
I am inviting 
Gifs from Peakd frontend
Thanks for reading
