Why is it that if you take care of a person, you're their caregiver, but if you take care of their lawn, you're their caretaker? Speaking of words like their and you're (your old grammatical foes from days of yore), what's the story there? No matter, they're not going to trust their answer, so there.
Speaking of your yore, what do you know about yew? Speaking of what you know, what do you know about your nose? Smell is tied to memory, so who really knows what their nose knows? It might know something about yew that you didn't even know you knew. New knowledge is the best kind of ledge.
Kind as in type, of course. No, not that type of type, and not that knot. It's hard... no, not that kind of hard, you pervert. No, not that kind of hard either. The difficult kind. Sometimes it's difficult to type which type of word you mean. No, not that mean. I don't mean to be mean, and I'm not talking averages, but this gets very frustrating.
What kind of drunken idiots vomited up this language, anyway?
Speaking of drunken idiots, what was I talking about? It's hard difficult to keep track of, especially after a couple laps around the track. Not like a Wu-Tang track (now those are some tracks I could lap up!) or a track mark track, or Mark's mark on a hat rack...
FUUUUCK!
This is hard tough for me, I can't imagine how it must be for all you. Not that you're not tough enough to tough out the hard times (which are like tough times times two), just saying that I too find this adversarial to sort out. I've barely even mined my mind, and I'm already too tired (like two old tires) to follow this foul thistle thorn in my brayin' brain much further.
Good news for you, you good gnus. Of course I'm not saying you look like a yak, just saying thanks for listening to me yak.
Are you listening? Can you hear in here? Quiet down, I'm tryin' to hear over here!
Such a screwy language, it's not surprising that there's so much misunderstanding in the world. Honestly (but not on Nestlé), I'm surprised we ever manage to communicate anything at all (especially at all the atolls). Have you ever seen two bums bump into each other in the Bronx?
Hey, watch it!
Watch what, where you goin'?
Who wants to know?
What's it to ya?
I'm just tryin' to get over there over here!
Yeah, well do it someplace else!
...and it was this bad before texting. Sry, IMTS txtng.
DGMS on msgs. In fact, brb, ntg afk to calm down.
Well, this is going well. Well enough to hold water, I'd wager. Could it be a post? Not really the kind of post you could tack a sign to, if you know what I mean. Not the sort of overworked work you'd post a sentry on, if you get what I'm saying. Not a post like a pole, and not quite worth pole position, if you catch the drift.
Catch it, or drop it, I'll catch you all later and drop more words.
L8R.
I would like to apologize to my many tens of fans for not posting around here as much lately. I've been a bit preoccupied with real life, and my other, more serious account has been getting all the attention.
When my life gets more hands on, I get into a more serious mode. I still like to work on the humor, it just goes A LOT slower. The above 500ish word ramble has been a work in progress for about 3 weeks. I've got a couple others, but I have no idea when they'll be finished.
So this is where I thank you, good people of the Comedy Open Mic community. Thank you for your patience, thank you for the awards, and thank you for giving me your attention.
If you're a junky for my style, and you know you are, you can see how I live over at 
Weather eye sea ewe here or there,
I hope yore halving fun, mon frère!
