"The Roast of All of Us" — Presenting Our Research and Findings from 37 Years of Studies in Slow-Onset Chronic Terminal Madness — Sponsored by the University of Hivelandia and the Comedy Open Mic Contest

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Abstract:

What's up, commies!
Welcome to this roast post we wrote mostly as a joke while totally smoked on coke and Holy Ghost and toasted artichoke liqueur! Side note, don't go hoping for anything more or less than exactly what we're hoping you're expecting to get unless what you're hopeful for getting is nothing except for a great big dose of disappointment! As far as we're aware our professor and our mentor are so far both unaware that we've gone and published this thing that we've gone and published here, and we'd really like to keep it that way at least till we can make good on our longawaited getaway escape from this academia hellscape, thanks!


Introduction:

Hello it's me and them and all of us together again @notanotherbrandt, everyone's favorite @anotherbrandt and the one and only @otherbrandt to ever have been voted World's Best @Brandt every year in a row since the dawn of time in the Year of Our Lord one thousand nine hundred and eighty-four!


Methods:

Sixteen Russian imperial stouts, nine of Colorado's finest psilocybin caps, two pounds of Swiss mountain goat cheese, and one refurbished Macintosh 128k that's sitting on an old oak desk that's getting lit by a kerosene lamp that's standing on the hardpacked dirt floor of a small dark one-room cabin that we don't recognize at all! The conditions simply couldn't have been one single little bit better for researching important research and finding high-quality findings, both of which we're pretty sure we either did or didn't and depending on which one it was we may or may not have a whole lot of work left to do!


Results:

To Be Determined!
Are you following along with all of this so far? No? Good, neither are we!
Are you feeling confused about where we're going with all of this? Yeah? Cool, so are we! C'mon, hop on down to the comment section and join the rest of us, you'll fit right in!


Discussion:

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