Well, my dumbass assumes that "although there are poles preventing me from entering on this side, I'm sure that the exit is obstacle-free."
Uhhhhhh, I was wrong!
Y'all wanna hear about my weirdest sexual experience? ... It's not graphic or anything like that -- in fact, it's probably going to be the last thing you expected.
So I used to work for Domino's. Y'know, pizza -- "Get the door! It's Domino's!" I know what you're probably already thinking to -- "Did someone order a big, sausage pizza?" but no lol. I used to be a delivery driver for them. Wasn't for a long time, but I still appreciated the work, it was one of the better jobs that I've worked.
(Me in my uniform, this is a true story!)
One day I go in, I get the address for the building I'm going to deliver to. It's for an apartment building just down the street, drive past it all the time. It's one of those buildings with a looped driveway entrance, only the loop dives all the way down to basement-level of the apartment. Not only that but there are two tiny plastic poles on either side at the beginning of the entrance, like those ones that you see lined up along the bike lanes.
(Source: https://www.develotech.com/en/bicycle-path-flexible-bollard/layout/) Just using this photo as a reference!
Well, my dumbass assumes that "although there are poles preventing me from entering on this side, I'm sure that the exit is obstacle-free."
Uhhhhhh, I was wrong!
I manage to drive through those two poles without so much as a scratch to my Pontiac G6. I drive all the way down to the bottom of the driveway, right out front of the main doors, where the customer is already waiting for me -- completely flabbergasted. Eyes wide, mouth gaped open. The first sentence out of his mouth is, "...How did you get down here? How are you going to get out?! Can I take a picture? It's just, there's no way my friend is gonna believe that this happened!" Because yeah, during the whole time that he was mentioning all this, I finally clue in to the fact that the exit of the driveway is no better: it's completely closed off.
And it finally registers in my mind that, holy shit -- I'm gonna have to reverse all the way out. Without hitting those poles.
So the guy gets his photo and his pizza, and it's not until he leaves and I'm absolutely sure that nobody is watching me that I finally attempt to drive. Y'know how it is -- nobody can ever see you parallel park, then they'll know you can't parallel park! I start backing up, using my mirrors -- I immediately scrap the wall. Pull forward, start reversing again -- scrap the wall again.
And I don't have a perfect explanation for what happened next, but I had an orgasm! My body was so stressed and so tense that it literally forced itself to have an orgasm so that I could chill the fuck out and think! And the surprising part is, it was probably one of the better orgasms that I've had in my entire life. To think, all I gotta do is stress myself out! After I was done shaking, I reversed it once more, reeved it up the top of the hill, and managed to get back through the bicycle poles without so much as an issue.
The funniest thing is, I could have just driven over the poles; they're collapsible... 🤦♀️