Sometimes I want to put a bullet in my head
Because I ran away
I escaped one hell and ran to another
Nothing was in my control
No way out
Shuffled down a cattle shoot
Prodded by the choices and voices of others
I don't want to be a victim
But damn
Who stood up for me
Who calls me after long silences
Who gives a shit about me
They let me fall
They pretend I don't exist
And their whispers speak volumes
Into my ears
Perhaps I was at fault
And now this misery is the justice
Of a thousand poor decisions
And the quiet still voice
Drumming every day
Tells me to end it
You'll die by your own hand
It says
But why I reply
It just repeats
A monster in my mind
A quiet but steady hum
That never leaves
Will it consume me
Will it win
In the end
Will I succumb
Because what is worth this
What can this numb misery lead to
But a void
A cavern
Nothingness
It's what I deserve
Doled out by my own hand
Relieving the boredom
Of all who would never speak a word
To save me.