I have never been a party animal. In my childhood parties only caused me stress. It was celebrating after being molested, no fun. At times I wonder how my life, how I would have been if I would have different parents. It's hard to tell. It would be easy to blame my childhood for the fact I am not a happy person, not a clown, or do not laugh out loud at every joke told and go from one part or festival to the next. With a different childhood, I would have been me.
I think except for the molesting part, the bruises and the struggle to survive I still would be an introvert. I still would prefer to be alone. I would live my life in silence and try to do what I like most. Perhaps I would be in a relationship or live in a community or... no, I don't think so. Being single, spending time with me is what I need most.
Visiting a festival is not my kind of fun. Reading, watching films, thinking is. I think a lot, see a lot, absorb and need time to digest it. Festivals, parties, drinking, drugs... It's not what makes me or my life complete. I don't need it to make me feel better, more likely it would feel me more miserable. The misery to be in a situation I don't feel comfortable with.
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