My brain and mind are not working like they suppose to be, I am having anxiety issues lately. I have been dealing with traumatic issues for a month and now this anxiety problem. I had a proper sleep last night but usually, I go to bed with uncertainty and wake up with anxiety. It seems like I haven't recovered from the past though I have been better; actually, I thought that way.
I started talking to people but not like before. I am noticing huge changes inside me and of course, a lot has been happening lately. I have reduced my social media activity because unfortunately, I find it toxic. I have been filtering my feed but later I decided that I should take a long break. Nowadays my brain takes a long time processing a sentence and if anything happens, I start panicking. This is happening probably because of my uncertain future and I don't have a clear idea of what to do next.
I thought to go with the flow but the time is flying. I feel like my whole world has fallen apart and I don't know how to build a new world for myself. My dog is doing good, she is happy. The people who gave me shelter are good people, they take care of my dog including myself. They have shown me enough kindness, support, and comfort which I will never forget in life. They have offered me home because I have nowhere to go. My document work is still pending, no update no news. The process is slower than usual and I understand why this is happening. Definitely, the whole process will take time but there is no time limit.
Last week I went to Warsaw to visit the consulate office, I have stayed there one night, it was a short trip. Warsaw is a city with history but it is modern after rebuilding. Warsaw is the capital of Poland, a very modern city with all kinds of facilities. It is an expensive city though. I have heard that a lot of jobs are available there and there are a lot of opportunities open for all people. Unfortunately, I haven't got enough time to explore Warsaw.
I woke up very early in the morning after spending a night in a hostel, the cost of the bed was 59 PLN, I won't say it's cheap, but compared to the price of other hotels and hostels in Warsaw, it was cheap. I remember it was 6.00 am in the morning when I went outside to buy a coffee. The hostel didn't provide free coffee so I thought to go to the nearby coffee shop and also wanted to see the streets of Warsaw.
I already forgot the name of the street, nowadays I hardly can recall any location name. The street was empty, the busy city was not crowded at all. People were about to start their day so everything was silent.
The street you are seeing was a mixture of old and new buildings. Most of the buildings were mostly apartments, hotels, and hostels. I haven't paid so much attention to the architecture because I was just walking. My mind was thinking about the consulate office and document works so I was not able to focus on the surroundings but I tried. I have noticed the calm streets, enormous buildings, and the blue sky.
I would have enjoyed my moment if I was a tourist here but alas, I am a refugee. Somehow seeing these buildings, I was recalling my Kharkiv street memories. Don't know whether I will see those days again or not.
While walking on the street, I have found this Mexican restaurant which was closed early morning. But I thought to take photos so I took it...
Before going to the consulate office, I went to the city center for bus. The city center is beautiful, there is raileway station, bus station and a beautiful shopping mall. Ofcourse the center is modern but the best part was this Palace of Culture and Science. Some polish people call it gift of stalin and some people hate the building though. I haven't ask why but next time if I get the chance, I will ask about it.
I never thought this view would be so popular, I just saw thousands of photos taken from the same place near Hard Rock Cafe...Pretty popular area I think.
I have taken only these photos in my entire warsaw tour, I wasn't feeling like traveling or taking photos. It's not like I didn't like the city, I was not in shape of taking photos and enjoying the moment.
My life is messed up now and gradually I am trying to solve it just like a puzzle. Trust me I don't like to write sad post every time but sometimes my pain is unbearable and I just write my words. I often think why me? Why I have to go through all this? I ask myself and as usual I don't get any answers. I have nothing with me, I don't enjoy anything, I forgot to smile and I have lost my home, my life.
I don't know when I will feel like a normal person once again...I don't want this life...
Glory to Ukraine, I need to go to my home...
You can follow my stories here:
War Story - Was it hell? - Kharkiv, Ukraine
From " Kharkiv, Ukraine " to " Warsaw, Poland " - War Story
From " Kharkiv, Ukraine " to " Warsaw, Poland " - War Story | Part -2 - Lviv
War Story - Present and Past but no Future
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Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...