For the past 2-3 days I have been trying to write something or wanted to be active on hive but my mind was not there and I was feeling completely blank. I sometimes feel that I am acting like a newborn who has no idea what's going on and everything looks new to her. Well, I am not going to say that feeling such kind of emotions is unethical, because no matter how much I try to be strong and logical, inside I am broken and I am healing. Among the crowd of Poland, I feel lost, I know nothing, I am just a complete stranger who is a refugee too.
How hard life can be, ask me for sure. I am living with a family now, they are so kind and gave me shelter for a few days, of course with my dog. I don't cry but I feel angry, sad, and upset, angry because I have lost my home, sad because my career is gone, and upset because I have to start from scratch again which is not so easy. Still, I feel overwhelmed and still I am confused about taking further decisions for my life. 6 years ago I took a concrete decision for myself but the situation was different and this time taking one decision for my life seemed harder.
Am I doing good? Yes, I am feeling better than before but I won't say I am fully recovered. A lot of confusion, decision-making, and choices are stressful and I feel pressure every single day.
If you haven't read my previous post yet, you can read it here
5th March:
The destination was west, Lviv, Ukraine. The train was full of people, overcrowded. You can't even imagine what an evacuation train looks like, not only it was overcrowded, many didn't even get a chance to sit on the chair. Some took to sit on the train corridor, some managed a small place in front of the toilet of the train. It was really heartbreaking to see and disaster. You can't even see what the inside of the train looks like because there are no photos posted for security reasons. Even the route of the train was unknown and nobody even knew anything.
How do I manage Gigi in this mess? Well, the volunteer was from the defense of Ukraine and she managed to get a sitter for me and the condition was one, I was allowed to take a handbag only with essentials and documents. Well, I never thought I will see this moment in life where 5 people were sitting on 3 chairs in a row. The journey to Lviv from Kharkiv was 24 hours and I was sitting there stuck in the whole journey, even my dog couldn't even get a chance to move. She managed herself under the chair.
I had to keep Gigi hidden so that people don't notice her, she was not allowed and volunteer somehow managed to get me on the train without informing anyone officially. She saved 2 lives and I don't think it was her illegal decision.
In the picture, the people in the train you see standing, they were standing like this in the whole journey. What was my feeling at that moment? Well, how to explain the feeling I was having at that moment. I was in fear, panicked and of course, stressed. It was never been an easy decision for me to leave my city, my home like this, and to go to the west alone with my dog only. It was scary but I was scared because I had no idea what was waiting for me in Lviv because I have never been to Lviv before.
It was a snowy white cold morning but the inside of the train was so hot and slowly it created an uncomfortable situation for me. Kids were crying, people were shouting and some were crying too, it was a total disaster and all I was seeing was the people like me who left their home behind with a bag only.
That bag was everything for them, a small bag...
I had no food with me, not even a water bottle. I was able to bring my laptop, documents, and camera in a small bag, that's it. Water bottle weight was heavy and holding one bag with a dog wasn't easy for me. I was looking at the people's faces on the entire journey, it was not pleasant to see but everyone was trying to save their life and family.
You might get a lot of news about the sufferings of Ukrainians on social media but I have seen the reality of the war and the sufferings. Trust me, nobody even imagine such moments in life, it was a nightmare and a horrible experience. Your tears will look valueless and all you can think of is survival. Safety for you and for your family. If you are a mother, you have to be strong, you can't show your fear to your kids.
Even the fastest train journey seemed very scary to me, it was like a never-ending journey. No food, no water, nothing was available on the train. Even I was unable to move from my seat.
After 12 hours, our train reached Kyiv and I saw the beauty of Kyiv from the window. It was hard to accept the destruction caused by this war. The evening arrived, night arrived and I couldn't even sleep for 10 minutes. On the other hand, Gigi was feeling so bad and trying to sit on my lap but due to limited space, she barely could move and sit on my lap.
6th March:
Around 5.00 am, we reached the Lviv station. Oh My God, after leaving the train, I saw thousands of people, the station was flooded with people. People and people and trust me, I was just following the crowd without any knowledge of where to go. It was still dark and I couldn't even figure out where the hell the crowd was going.
I tried to ask some people where we were going, what the hell was happening but nobody had time to explain to me. Some were buying tickets, some were waiting for the evacuation train to the border and from the VOKZAL of Lviv, everybody was going to the borders of Poland, Hungary, Slovakia, and Romania. Seeing the mass amount of people, Gigi became so stressed and restless. She already had gone through so much, I felt she couldn't take anymore. I managed a water bottle for her and for me. We both sat at the railway station for 1 hour and then I started looking for transport to Poland Border.
6th march just started...
To be continued...
All the photos used are owned by the author, they were taken on March 5th, 6th, 2022.
If you want to help me or donate to me, you can contact me on my social media... It would be really helpful.