My thoughts are disturbing me. I don't have enough words to describe that what is actually the real thing, but feeling of regret,fear and all other related things are mixed together. All these things became an haunting Allusion for you.
The trigging thing is "force" that i am forcing myself to do things which is not a good and healthy relationship with my own selves.
Seemingly, everything is looking all okay. But there are many aspects which i am leaving behind. I know that i should talk to anyone who is close to me...... I talked..... Still, i need no one. I can solve my riddles by my own. I don't need anyone's help and counseling. No more talk and i want to sit in silence.
Somewhere in my mind, i want to sit alone and observe. I want to see the bus going on the road, people walking in pattern, people talking, birds flying, leaves waving. There are many many aspects of life which require me "all alone".
"All alone" doesn't literary means that really alone but i am saying this because i need distance from some people. These some people are consuming my energy and i am no more in the able and available for it. Last night, i listened a very good line which is much needed this time and that was " i want to go with flow". I don't need any kind of restrictions
From last two days.... Intensity of thoughts increased and it is keep on increasing. It's wonderful, yet terrible thing. I am bad in so many things. I don't know "is this statement true or not". It is statement about my own self. May be i am just overthinking and over processing my thoughts.
Infinite thoughts running like wild animal which is disturbing boundaries of thoughts. It's like wild bull is running and hitting violently. Ahh, people assume and see me as a happy or may be very happy person. Well, there is no doubt in it. I am happy person as i enjoy each little moment which passes by. But, these days my mind is not in the mood to enjoy these moments.
My words are not even making a good sequence. It can also be depiction of my mental state.
Am i disappointed? Am i despondent? Questions are lingering in my mind. I am questioning all this from myself. At the same time i am okay( I think).
In my mind, i am wanderer, explorer, adventurer but why all these things are just alive in my mind? I want practical of everything. Thoughts are keep on pouring in my mind like water is being poured in jug.
I know, clouds of despondency will soon fade away. I will be able to say "stop" to all those people who are restricting me to live full of myself. It's struggle and i am happily struggling. This struggle is real life and best way is to live it nor to escape as i am not an escapist.
Thank you so much for scrolling down.
every picture belongs to me