Sam. Samuel Payne. The love of my life and the reason for my misery.
My name is Clara Kent and I am locked up in a convent sworn to serve God till I die.
How did I get here?
I wouldn't say this was a mistake, becoming a nun I mean but I didn't want to become a nun either.
It all started when we moved into a new house in a fancy estate the month after my dad got a promotion, the house came with the promotion. We were all happy and excited.
Turns out that the mansion next to our house belonged to Mr Payne, my father's employer. And I fell in love with his son.
Samuel wooed me and I fell. I fell hard.
We started going out in secret. It was fun at first, the thrill of hiding it all from the world with just the two of us knowing exactly what was going on was elating. But, it got to a point I couldn't keep up with the lies and I got fed up and told him we had to let our parents know about us.
He agreed grudgingly, he didn't want anyone to know about us. Our love was stronger that way he said.
Heavy sighs
That should have been a red flag but I was too blinded and in love to care much about it.
We both decided to tell our parents the same day.
I was feeling skeptical and apprehensive about it all when Samuel called and told me that he had already told his parents and that they approved of us.
Prior to that I have never been to Samuel's home before because he never lets me. Our "meetings" were usually outside the estate away from prying eyes.
It all makes sense now.
Samuel's call gave me the courage to open up to my parents about my secret relationship and the reason for the late nights and all that.
I will never forget the look on their faces as soon as I mentioned Samuel's name. The silence was frightening.
I saw an emotion flash across my father's face that I couldn't recognize.
Fear
Now I know why.
I was scolded and interrogated and asked when it happened and then ordered to cut him off with immediate effect.
I was shocked. I couldn't believe that they couldn't be happy for me, not even my mom who was my best friend.
I ran out in tears, and found myself at Samuel's doorstep in tears. The maid let me in and I walked in on Samuel and his parents having dinner.
"Samuel?" I called softly, not wanting to interrupt.
"Clara? What are you doing here?" His tone was that of an elder scolding a child for being where he wasn't supposed to be.
"Who is that?" That was Mr Payne to Samuel.
"Erh... she's just a friend." He had said without even looking at me.
"Why are you here?" His mother had asked rudely.
I shook my head and ran out, more tears streaming out my eyes.
I had been played.
I had been fooled.
I had been betrayed.
I couldn't think past the hurt. I screamed and cried and cried.
No one to comfort me.
I couldn't believe he'd deny me like that but I also wanted to hurt him and I wanted him back and to do that, I was going to ruin his dinner and well, I ruined my life in the process.
They say, anger is deadly and I couldn't agree more.
I storm back to the Payne Mansion and force my way in even though the maid said I wasn't to be let in. I walked to the dinning room and dropped my bomb.
"Samuel I'm pregnant." I say clearly and seeing Samuel go white with shock was the best thing ever.
It was a lie of course. At the time. But they didn't have to know.
That lie cost me more than I bargained for.
People do show their true selves at their worst moments.
Samuel denied me then and there. Telling his father and shaking his head. Calling me a liar and that I was not to be taken seriously.
His father didn't believe him and so my parents were contacted and notified about the whole situation.
I couldn't believe the nightmare.
I was taken for a test, to prove I was right.
I didn't know what I'd tell them when the test results came out as negative but I didn't really care.
To my dismay the test results came out positive. I was indeed pregnant. I was more shocked than everyone else in the ward.
I was speechless.
I didn't know what to say or do.
This wasn't supposed to happen. We were careful.
My mom was rigid with fear and my father looked at me with disappointment.
The Payne's looked at me with disdain.
That was the worst day of my life.
I was ordered to abort the baby and leave the estate.
My father would be given another house in another estate for all this trouble and for his silence and if he refused to comply he'd lose his job.
I was pressured by my parents to abort the baby and that it was for the best and all that.
I didn't want to.
I was made to.
After the abortion, things weren't the same again in my family. I became rebellious and suicidal and I was taken from one facility to another all to no avail.
I was miserable.
My life was ruined and Samuel's life wasn't.
It wasn't fair.
My parents couldn't control me anymore so they sent me off to a convent with the hope that I'd be healed by being in the presence of God day in, day out.
I've spent five years here and sometimes I wonder how they all are out there.
I just wonder.
The strict rules in the convent helped tame my rebellious spirit but that didn't happen immediately as I tried severally to escape.
Am I healed?
No one ever forgets the one who betrayed them do they?
So, I don't think I am completely healed.
Thank you very much for reading! ☺️