I have learned to accept and appreciate who I am, do away with societal pressures, and focus on my life journey. The pressures in the society in which we find ourselves are many and could be a distraction if we fail to set some standards but conform to the expectations of others.
Many times, we find ourselves being pushed to do things we don't like or have an interest in, but I wouldn't dispute the fact that some of these pressures appear positive sometimes. It could be a positive push to do things rightly or perhaps try new things, but most things are wrong, hence the need for us to maintain a standard that works fine for us and not bend to pressures.
One of the societal pressures I am facing currently is the pressure of giving birth to another child, preferably a baby girl. Now, sit back. Let me tell you a few things about African mentality:
Firstly, if you are married without a child, it's a problem. The kind of pressure you may receive from both in-laws and unsupportive friends can send you to an early grave, and that's one. Secondly, if you give birth to only baby girls, they will drive you crazy and pressurize you to give birth to a boy so that the family lineage will not close. All these pressures act as if they can create a living being, not to mention choosing a gender. Now that I have only had children, surprisingly, I have been receiving unexpected pressures from both families and friends over another child and that I should better plan for a baby girl either. Some of these people gave me instances of why a baby girl is important in my life, like the person to take care of me more during my old age or a daughter to bond more with since boys are always busy. Like seriously? That's really a weird kind of suggestion.
This pressure didn't start at this stage in my life as a married woman. After my first child, I stayed for more than 2 years before conceiving again, and trust me, those periods of intentional waiting for my body system to receive adequate tissue regeneration became an opportunity for family and friends to give me unnecessary pressure. "Nkem, what's happening? Are you having difficulty getting pregnant again? Your first son has grown. What are you and your husband waiting for? Are you people spacing children like the olden days parents?" And many more weird questions. Why all the pressure? I think its really uncalled for. It's my private life, but then people want to give their opinion irrespective of how I feel or think about the whole thing.
Overall, I received lots of pressure over the way I spaced my kids. I gave them all a 3-year age difference, and it was intentional but became unnecessary pressure from society.
As much as I wanted to give birth to a baby girl and it didn't happen, I am grateful for my boys, and I hope to stop receiving the pressure of having another child on the quest for a girl child.
What if I try and end up having another boy child? Aside from that, the economy in which we find ourselves today demands that everyone become intentional with their decisions. I wouldn't allow anyone to put me under unnecessary pressure when they won't be there to take responsibility on my behalf.
In a nutshell, how I manage to combat this kind of pressure is by simply letting the people who are pressuring me know that I have some set standards I follow and saying no to their suggestions, like I mean it. At the end, I shouldn't live up to the expectations of society but to mine.
Thanks for reading through.