There are numerous factors that make age a complicated issue in relationships, but ordinarily, I believe that age is just a number when we choose reasonably. I have gotten into this conversation many times because of my experience, and I find it interesting listening to people's opinions before dishing out my thoughts on whether age should be taken seriously or not in relationships.
I will share my opinion as a man, acknowledging that my views differ. In the society today, it's not a problem for a lady to marry someone older but he has to be within her age group, and it's a big problem for guys when they try such.
The society doesn't take such gist lightly, and it's understandable why a lot of men who have older spouses can even speak about it even to their families, except they want to take some backlash. Being a Yoruba man, there is a perceived taboo about having an older wife, and I understand why it is all like that.
It's a lie if I say your family doesn't care about your feelings, they really do and at the same time, they are just worried of you being treated unfairly in the future due to society's perceptions about age-gap relationships.
I believe it is reasonable to date a woman older but still within your age bracket, it is fine if both sides are mature enough to handle the age difference properly because age is one thing that can easily get into people's heads, and when it does, that relationship is over except the younger one (the man) is willing to bear the repercussions.
As a guy, it becomes unreasonable when you get into a relationship with someone even 10 years older. It might look fun from the onset, but I bet it won't be long before the man starts seeing things that would have made him wish he had let go when he could.
I was once in a relationship with a 9 years age difference, and everything was fine from the onset, but at some point, this lady started experiencing some changes in her body, which exposed our age difference despite my height. She didn't just get bigger; she also had this very matured look that made people refer to me as her younger sibling.
That aside, she mentioned us taking our relationship further, whereas I was nowhere prepared for such. Judging by her age, it's fine if marriage was what's on her mind, but for me, I can't dare to even think of marriage, not to speak of getting married.
It got to a point that the age started getting into her head, and she doesn't think twice before disrespecting me among her friends. I couldn't share my experience or seek advice from anyone, so I thought it was best I walked away even though the feeling was real. We talk about it, and even though she thought we could work things out, I knew that would be the biggest mistake of my life.
I am not trying to say that relationship like this don't work out, there are many of them but it takes more than just feelings to keep those relationships in shape.
When human nature actually plays out in relationships with a big age difference, the chances of things breaking apart are high. You will agree with me that growth is one thing we can't hinder as humans, and it is natural for it to happen. At a point, our body will start reacting to the increase in age, and before we know it, it becomes difficult for a woman to match the man's energy at different levels just because he is very much younger.
In many cases, a huge age difference opens the door for insecurity and even pressure to set in because some of the man's demands will definitely not go in line with what the woman wants. Agreeing on things might be quite difficult, and such a relationship is going nowhere.
A typical example is when a 30-year-old man requests from his 45-year-old lover more children when she feels like it won't be easy anymore. What do you think will happen when they can't agree on issues like this?
If I didn't quit the relationship back then, it's either I chose to get married without any form of preparedness or she chose to wait and delay herself for God knows how long. Our emotions can be very tricky, and if we allow them to brainwash us, it might not end well. While considering feelings, it's important that we put our brain to work as well.
Understanding what we are getting into is very important, and turning blind eyes to a red flag won't end well.
In conclusion, age difference can be a very complex issue to discuss in relationships. While society standards and family expectations can influence our decisions, we should always remember that age is a number if we are reasonable enough.
What matters in relationships with the age gap are maturity, understanding, and tolerance. These things, coupled with open communication and mutual respect, can definitely make things work out beautifully. Above all, we should always think thoroughly about the future consequences before making any decisions in not just relationships but life as a whole.