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As humans we all have different personality traits that differentiates us from one another which tends to dictate how we react towards matters of great importance and also influence our instinct in choosing which matter is worth of our attention. For instance it is natural for most people especially men to want to engage in football discussions or probably someone around them is speaking ill of their club, their spontaneous reaction towards the discussion shows their level of inability to abstain from such discussions.
for someone like me football discussions irritates me a lot especially when I witness men engaging in heated conversation over what another person said about their club, it makes me wonder what all the fuss is all about. I have had fallout with friends over football discussions because I'm unable to contribute and they won't stop buzzing me about it. the funny aspect of it is that sometimes I really feel like I should say something about it but I can't, it is not just the type of conversation I'm capable of getting involved in, it is not as if I hate sporty events in general, I'm not just a football fan. So in order to prevent this self torture I just stay away from such people. This is just me, just like I said we humans have different behavioural pattern.
It makes you wonder, if football discussions does not intrigue me what does? Over the years I have noticed my attitude and personality is very different from most men, I have rare habits that are not too common among gender. I have lived a solo life for as long as I can remember, I enjoy my own company in very quiet environment, I go out once in awhile or should I say once in a blue moon because I detest crowded areas. I have more online friends than those around me because I'm friendly enough to attract friends but I'm incapable of keeping them around, eventually we just grew apart.
Which means my physical state could be considered nonexistent figure since I barely engage with people around me, the funny aspect of it is that most people believe it is an act of pride or probably because I believe I'm more righteous and better than they are which is entirely not true. the saddest part of is that I have tried but then I realised the reason behind my low level of association with my gender or people in general is because the habits they consider to be fun is extremely irritating to me for instance football, drinking, clubbing e.t.c I prefer to stay indoors and watch movies, read conceptual and philosophical books, write quotes and poems, carry out research on different topics of my choosing and play board games. like I said my habits are the rare type.
In the mist of my solo existence there is somewhere my presence is mostly felt and only happens during some specific events. I'm not a nerd but engaging in any form of academic discussions that involves critical analysis of trending topical issues or conceptual topics, productive or not I find myself engaging in such argument which mostly occur on social media, most especially WhatsApp since I'm a member of a lot of educational groups and departmental groups. I find it difficult to abstain from educational argument, it is my niche. In most cases I get drawn into this argument bit by bit till I'm fully into it and that is because my subconscious is incapable of developing a defence mechanism against engaging in such event, in others words I have not disciplined my mind to the extent I will be willing to abstain from it.
The reason I'm starting to feel the need to abstain from such discussion and argument is not because I don't find it educative or worth my time, it is just that majority of this scholarly arguments I engage in with other people demands actions not words. most people find it easy to speak of the right approach to create solutions to some societal or academic issues but they are incapable of doing what they say when action is demanded. To an extent such Argument is starting to feel like a show of hypocrisy. Why speak of words you can't act upon? Why support an argument that is contrary to your opinion and perspective of the subject? Why criticize others opinion on something that you are too scared to speak up about despite wanting to?
Despite the fact that I enjoy engaging in this discussions because it provides an avenue for me to share my knowledge and express my opinion but after the whole discussion and argument is over I end up asking myself what is the point of it? What exactly have I solved by engaging in the discussion? this mostly occur when I engage in societal topical subjects. I feel like actions are needed for change not only words.
Gradually I consider it to be unnecessary and decided to let it go to focus on more fruitful activities that is actually capable of constituting the necessary changes needed. To an extent letting go would not be easy because it an activity I have grown fond of but my mind is still capable of drawing the line if I find myself engaging in unproductive activities, so giving up on it would not be too difficult. Though it will take awhile to completely abstain from it because I still don't know if I'm fully capable of it but there is something I'm sure of, I will rather not engage in those groups anymore than start an argument I can't finish.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Giving up one thing" in hive learners community.
