I never knew I could feel this. The unrecognized yet known feeling that took over me as my lips touched the liquid of life.
I could have sworn how I felt some hours ago, the dreadful feeling that is always present, reminding me of my past, present, and future with those careful yet heartbreaking words of contemplation.
"Am I truly moving forward in life?"
And, that question always brings in numerous emotions that lead to tears of not being able to answer my questions. The scary part of my past still haunts me, that's for sure. I am not yet free of the string it has on me, which breaks my soul when I get to meet up with those things and realize how weary my heart still is of them.
The present, which is meant to be a gift, isn't anymore, but how is that? The present is supposed to be what brings my eyes to joyful tears, not the opposite. So why do I feel this way? Tons of times, I have tried to make sense of life. The essence of living and how death can come knocking anytime, hence, the appreciation of life, but that didn't stop my heart from breathing raggedy.
Now, I am left with looking toward the future. How things will take turns with my imagination intact. Will I still be afraid of those things when the future knocks itself in? I wanted to ask, but the strain of not being able to solve the mystery question of the present makes me swallow hard knowing I can only dream of a future free of my past If my mind will let me.
But, all my worries seemed to be lost when I saw just one sachet of my beloved drink. It was like I could answer the questions to my pasts if I wanted to. And, I didn't feel on edge. I felt relieved and fulfilled instead, which is so good.
My heart fluttered, and my face, which had lost so much life in it, started feeling nice. It is like watching a big scary wound heal with no pain attached. It is indeed an incredible feeling being alive and I wanted the feeling to last, so I found my hands holding romantically on the sachet as I tore it and released the content into the cup of coffee with a smile I never knew I could muster up. And, this made me cry, not for the past, but for the present, which I have finally gotten to understand with a smile.
As my lips touched the liquid in the cup... I couldn't explain the feeling that overtook me. It was unrecognizable yet known. The feeling of the future and the dramatic events that will rise from it. Having that thought with the smell of coffee around me made me hopeful of what the future will bring. My weary heart became calm, and my uneven breath even, and I couldn't help sobbing out loud.
And, now, I have gotten to realize that life is a series of games. You'll be very good in some, average in others, and the rest may not be your best moments. So, whenever we are faced with the game we are sure of, our winning skill will be flexed. Whenever the average game pops up, we end up with so many backup plans to make things right, which means we may end up not winning.
Also, when the game we are not good at arises, we play with all our might, hoping a miracle will occur. But miracles don't happen every time. Sometimes, we just need to lose to grow. However, knowing life is a game doesn't mean we know what game it may throw at us.
But, today, I feel fulfilled with life's game with my cup of coffee to go.
Happy International Coffee Day. Cheers to more coffee filled life.
Images Used Are Mine.
Still yours truly,
Balikis.
Thanks for reading.
Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.