Who will be the first to go to Mars? That’s the million-dollar question everyone is asking. Elon Musk and his SpaceX team are making headlines and rekindling hope in the possibility of reaching the red planet, while Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin seems to have the budget for it. However, before we get ahead of ourselves, let's explore some of the potential candidates for the first trip.
First on our list is Jennifer Lopez or J-Lo, for short. Let's face it! This woman doesn't age. She looks the same way she did twenty years ago when she was shaking it with JaRule. If that's not the perfect candidate to be the first person on Mars, I don't know who is. She has always been into fashion, and God knows what fashion statement she'd make in space. A bedazzled spacesuit, maybe? Regardless, imagine the boost in confidence the world will gain knowing that J-Lo is on Mars if something goes wrong while they are up there.
Our second candidate is none other than the legend, Chuck Norris. Most of you probably know him as the man who can count to infinity twice, the boogeyman looking under his bed for Chuck Norris, or the reason behind Walker Texas Ranger being the deadliest man in America. It's impossible to think of anyone better prepared for saving the world's future than him. Chuck could lay the foundations for a space colony and build it out of old beer bottles, empty cans, and cigar ash. He can apparently do anything he sets his mind on.
Elon Musk can't leave himself out of the mix. If this man could shoot a car into space, then he could hop on with it to the red planet himself. Let's be frank. He's so deep in space and the technological field that we suspect he might be an alien. He'd make it to Mars with ease and probably be working on new technology to terraform the entire planet within a week.
As controversial as this suggestion may seem, we couldn't resist John McAfee as our fourth and final candidate. He may be gone, but MacAfee's gone to the extent of making a tattoo of himself smoking weed across his back, and he'd probably do something more awkward with his life if he were alive. If "finding new ways to live" on the internet doesn't include space exploration, I don't know what does. Who wouldn't want to go to Mars with a guy who smoked weed and talked about it non-stop?
In conclusion, there's no telling who'll be the first person to land on Mars, but we know they will forever make history. As for our candidates, we wish them all the best in their endeavors, but we suggest their prospective space agencies should enforce the "no dancing on Mars" policy — we all remember Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson's Uptown Funk music video. Nobody wants to see that again.
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