Dearest Hive Community, Friends and Lovers of Love Stories,
It is twenty-four or so days in, since meeting in real life with my Love, my Other Half, my SoulMate @vincentnijman - and things are finding an equilibrium – as much as harmony can be realised, between powerful cosmic waves, overwhelming passion and clarity, and a ridiculous amount of love-making. What a profoundly life-altering event has transpired that I feel like my insides are throbbing with a newer Life than I’ve ever felt…
I thought long and hard all my 5 decades, about what it would feel like to meet The One. The reality of seeking partnership for life was – if not entirely disappointing, certainly anguishing for the better part – and as time evolved it didn’t seem to get easier. In fact, every relationship seemed more controversial, more strained, harder work and less rewarding – despite all the efforts I was making in self-improvement. How could this be, when all spiritual logic should lead to our finding more harmony and peace in all areas of life, as we mature; so long as we keep our focus and intent on good, we should reap the treasure of our Good Work.
However, as many of us know who are exiting the mainstream, we are most assuredly NOT going to find spiritual treasure in the conventional – including in a typically-formatted romantic relationship. We are unlikely to find merit-gained accumulating in any rapport that is structured according to the norms (because, in case you haven’t noticed, modern life is a near-perfect inversion of the Truth and Magic of the Divine Nature of The Universe.)
Still, I liked to think that anything is possible, and I persevered the seeking of partnership with a steady commitment, openness and sureness of the deepest vision held at my core. I knew that whatever the surface story being told, the underlying Truth would be marvellously better - if I could hold out long enough…
Ultimately I didn’t ‘wait’ long at all: all things considered, a sincere prayer, a willingness to go All In, and a concerted effort to let go of everything which wasn’t working for me… A few hours? days? weeks? later Vincent finally booked a journey to the Arthouse, and set in motion our cosmic ‘collision’. A life-long prayer culminating in a quiet request to the Universe to bring him to me now, thank you.
In the back of my mind have been many hopes and many doubts about finding a true soul partner in this lifetime: my last relationship was profoundly torturous; my health and stability seemed to be failing steadily, in direct relation with my slow decline within the community that I’d spent a decade and a half inspiring into transformation; my scorecard for partnership was totting up negative points, despite my great efforts to compromise and endure; my dreams of children, home, stability and life-long expansion were starting to feel disproved by what was transpiring around me. My mind fixed on a tarot reading back in Cyprus as I turned 30; I was told that I’d find my twin flame…. When I was 50. I balked, and hoped it wouldn’t be so, but it rang through me at the time, and so it stayed with me for two decades.
A week before my 51st birth day, I met this (most important) man in the main train station in Napoli. He was due in around 4pm from the airport via the shuttle bus, and I duly waited in good time, hoping he’d be there sooner than later. Of all the men I’ve met over the years in public places like this, I’ve never had such a sense of calm-but-extremely-excited anticipation: I knew we were going to get on well, as we’d been communing for several years online, including art workshops, regular cocreation sessions with others, and then a daily chat stream that often totted up 50+ SMSs and hours of voice messages: though we were both a tad neurotic about spending this much time together one-on-one, and made multiple disclaimers about how we’d navigate him staying for two weeks. A short message not long before he arrived and I realised that in fact he had an open-ended ticket – and might stay for up to a month! With anyone else, this’d be a red flag, but Vincent and I’s lovely symbiosis was sufficiently easy for me to reciprocate without any doubt that we’d navigate the time creatively, happily, healthily – no matter what we brought up for each other.
I sat in front of the shuttle-bus stop patiently, waiting for a bus to drop of folks from the airport, but for just a few minutes before my Signal App rang with him calling to say he was nearby but not certain where exactly. He’d jumped in an unofficial taxi and had been dropped off just short of the station, but was sure he was outside of the station and almost next to me.
A strange few minutes ensued (which felt like time outwith time, or time suspended), where I felt the imminent presence of this very special man, but was wondering where on earth he could be… I paced up and down and was expecting him to pop out of the crowd at any point: a delicious anticipation without expectation… and with the whole of my life path pressing behind me, urging me into his arms...
When his shining presence stepped out of the hoards crossing the busy traffic street, I was genuinely taken aback by how stunning he appeared in front of me. A stiff-but-warm hug, two huge grins, and much nervous chatter – mostly from me – about what does he need; food, drink, to sit down, to find a quiet spot?? We stumbled about the station, settling where I knew I could find a fresh juice and healthy snack, and we started our very first real-life, face-to-face conversation: all laughing, playing and overlapping words and stories, sweet rapport and easy synchrony, attraction and dancing energies, freedom of wellbeing as we found each other’s warmth lap over us…
It took four days, a bottle (each!) of spumante, and a lot of eye contact and close proximity ‘flirting’ (neither of us are particularly flirty types!), a late night hug and extensive sleeplessness, before he confronted me with a somewhat indirect confession of his love – and a teasing query about my own for him these past 4.5 years we’ve been exploring our connection online… I was immediately visibly and speechlessly uber-flustered! I accidentally deleted the Needlework Monday post that I’d been working on for the previous hour! I started again, with my cheeks blazing, my heart thrumming and my pelvis rapidly awakening… Some nervous edging closer, some clumsy hugs and kisses, and then the cosmic waves took us.
Time has not been the same since: such a strange and wonderful amalgamation of life-forces, habits, fun, pleasure, freedom and creativity: synchronising all things, and just managing to get the basics in place – whilst simultaneously prepping to leave my home of the past 15 years: the easiest moving choice I ever made, even in the light of having lived nomadically for a good part of my life.
Nothing is complex, despite all things being highly cluttered and needing to be sorted and packed efficiently in my wee car for the long drive to Portugal; every step rises up to meet our feet, and even the things that previously would have been ‘frictional’, now melt into the beautifully-healthy rhythm of days running smoothly into the next.
So much is coming up for me: having this man – not just IN my life, but at the very core of it, and by my side in the everymoment. The rest of my journey leading up to finding this, is unveiled as very often dark and empty, only occasionally punctuated with a true joy. As confident as I am, as I have appeared to others, as I have tried to correct and improve in all my five decades… this is the first and only time in my whole puff that I feel Whole.
It is a weird sensation to feel Whole, when up to this point I’ve been striving and wanting to feel whole. It is the most unsettling juxtaposition to be in; straddling the less-so past and a full, clear, easy future: resting into the present moment, into the immense freed-up energies of Vincent and I’s soul-compatibility.
All kinds of neurosis burp up, and make us trip over our own minds, emotions, bodies, getting clumsy and inelegant in places… and the other catches us and corrects us. Not in the conventional critical way that we found so grating in the past from previous partners, but in a loving embrace that gently, immediately realigns. So simple, when it works. So shocking, to look back at how hard I was trying to make it work, and not managing to get any momentum.
I think a lot about the clichés of male-female relationship, about what is presumed and what is taboo, and about how we are now using appropriate patterns rather than conditioned ones. We muse and talk into the night, about how we can recreate all forms of relationship to properly fit what we know is Right and what we choose to push forward with, now that we have each other.
A lot of deep truth is hidden in cliché. I think of the roles that women have been ‘given’ even in ‘modern’ relationship structures, and I see too the potential spaciousness that we have all around us (as co-creative human beings living in the current time).
I also seefeelknow in all moments, the immense freedom of Flow that is in my relationship with Vincent: clichés, catharsis, ecstasy, joy, sweat, visions, queasiness included: quiet moments, collapsing with laughter, finding our very bodily functions synchronising, spookiness of reading each others’ minds, full-alignment of values and dreams… Many folks meeting us are immediately ‘switched on’ into our field of love – and they respond very positively to our partnership. Almost everyone points out our compatibility – even before we were ‘together’; they recognise the symbiosis immediately, and give us happy compliments. We seem to leave a nice glow in the room… I love this, and I feel much more than before, how the true purpose of our coming together within this multidimensional and activated beingness is part of healing all things.
I don’t reflect on this to criticise anyone or to condemn anything conventional, but to reflect for myself (and for us) on how life has been transformed almost overnight. Simultaneously, I’m deeply affirmed by how long it has taken for us (Vincent and I) to glacially come together as One. Living in Gift, Co-creating, following Right paths – as much as he was in love with me from first snapshot via the online art workshop, and working towards this meeting with a powerful sacred masculine intention to conquer me – we were bound together much earlier, before even having 3D contact. Spiritually we had intertwined rightly from the beginning, and we both had a certain level of mastery around taking the right time to really tune in, before coming together. We both had disaster-relationships beforehand, and we both did the hard work of either not beginning them or of ending them. This yet again strongly indicates to me that there is a fabric of reality underlying, which when we delve into it Rightly and do the hard work, we are rewarded for.
It is very new to me, to have this level of Right in my life: it feels like just reward for all the karmic weight I’ve carried in my years, and all the heaviness that others have projected onto me. A new immunity rises up up up through the cells and memories, clearing the way of all that negativity that used to run through my everyday. The words are very easy to find (to respond to attempts to contract/ hook/ cajole), no matter what the non-sense being thrown at us; boundaries are so much easier, where before I was kind of haemoraging energy in all directions, with whoever was ‘taking’ my attention.
Phew: I waited a long time for being able to say No with full-body-gusto and intention. Taking up my whole space is a new side-effect of our Love, and I am relishing how e.g. even my extremely intrusive neighbour is suddenly invisible and silent. Our co-creative power to solve problems and get things done is enhanced a hundredfold; so long as we take good care of ourselves and of the minimal practicalities necessary around us. I practise my deep self-care with much more attention than usual...
Big power and big responsibility. Big pleasure and big old feelings coming up to be released. Nothing remaining hidden: only Truth expressing through us. We get crazy-tired, crazy-hungry, crazy-aroused; just a little bit over-the-top in all things. We’re doing pretty well for the first three weeks – if it is that – it is hard to figure out what day it is – even the time of day can be elusive – or the season, or our geographical location.... Our previous freedom turns into an augmented Sovereignty of Synchrony, together.
I recorded my first podcast on the subject of Twin Flame, which you can hear via The Art Of Life podcast (on Spotify, Fountain, or my Patreon). I’ll be sharing more about our journey soon. Keep tuned in :-)
Love! All merit gained radiating outwards to all beings.
www.claregaiasophia.com
