If only there’s a visiting hour in heaven, I will take the chance to hug someone tight.
I wouldn’t be miserably crying out at night, thinking about how I would be able to see them again if they’re already clouds or even universe apart.
Are they really just watching us from the sky, or was it just an excuse or a comforting statement from someone who just wanted us to feel better after losing a loved one?
Well, since my grandma died years ago, this thought comes to my mind from time to time.
The melancholic feeling of losing her is hard to cope up with since she’s more than just a mother to me, to us, her family. We used to grow up with her warm hands, always ready to help whenever we needed her, and she was always there to listen and give advice when life hits us hard at times.
She taught us how unconditional love works and that there’s no greater things in life but love, just genuine love. If you love someone, things come positively and sacrifices are given unconditionally.
However, nothing’s temporary in this world, and even those we always pray not to leave our side are of no exemptions.
It was years ago when lola/grandma died. It was just a normal day of her just sweeping away dirt in their backyard and doing one of her usual routines like cleaning and arranging her plants. She even greeted some of our relatives who passed through their house and even said that it was a polite act to bid goodbye when you’re going somewhere else.
Our house is far from theirs so I wasn’t able to see her lively for the last time. Their home never felt the same again without her.
So, when we received news about her collapsing while eating and suddenly got a nosebleed, that’s when we got worried and rushed to help.
Unfortunately, my mom didn’t bring me as I am currently having my online class in one of my professional education subjects, and she didn’t want me to compromise my studies even though I wanted to go there as well. She assured me and my siblings that everything will be alright even though I have this bad gut feeling that something’s off from the usual and that my chest hurt from the initial thought of probably losing her.
And, my gut feeling was right and that made me/us cry painfully in front of her pale lifeless body. She left us after being in a coma for hours due to a stroke.
It was more painful that before she passed away, my grandma didn’t want to be rushed to the hospital because she knew that it’ll be the end of her time here on Earth and that she didn’t want us to spend more money and bring her to life again.
She begged her children (my aunts and uncles) to let her rest as she’s so tired of the pain she’s experiencing that time. Everyone’s crying, even the most playful ones in our family. And most especially, my uncle who was the only single, never married one of her children, and has been on her side since day 1.
It was so hard to live our life again and get used to doing the usuals without her presence. I realized that we can’t actually move on from the pain of losing someone, we just have to learn to live our life again without them. The pain is still there, and that acceptance is the only thing lifting us from the pile of sorrow.
When the time came that we had to send her to her final resting place, everything was gloomy, and even the clouds were teary. According to some elders here, when it’s raining during a funeral procession, it means that the deceased person was sad to leave his/her loved ones.
If that is true, then I hope my grandma will also know that we are way sadder for losing her. We couldn’t fight off our grieving souls and that we are all doubtful of living life to the fullest without her.
But life goes on no matter what. Time is ticking no matter what we feel. Time never waits for us to get better, just continue running, leaving us behind if we don't move.
However, despite the running time, she’s never forgotten and is always remembered whether in sunny or rainy days in life.
And if only there’s a visiting hour in heaven, surely, I have a handful of experiences and memories to share. I might have asked for her advice on how to socialize better as I know that she’s good at it since everyone in our community loves talking to her when she’s still alive.
I might as well ask for motivation from her on how to study well and how to do things without procrastinating as I sometimes suck in time management, unlike her who always did things on time, a proof of how diligent and responsible she was.
If only there’s a chance to see her alive again, I’ll ask for help on how to live life to the fullest as I’m struggling on it right now. I hope she'll visit me even just in my dreams, not just me but our family as a whole who miss her so much.
Do you also miss someone from heaven? If you do, what will be the thing/s you want to do with them?
Love,
Ruby
Note: All Images are Mine