A warm and mesmerizing evening to all of you. I hope you all are enjoying a sound mind and a healthy body .
Why do we change, I wonder ? What is the exact reason behind it? I think there can't be a reason after every change because not all changes occured without proper reason some just happens unbeknownst to our own self. Change is inevitable indeed. From the day one we became a permanent resident on earth, billions of changes happened in our life and made us who we are now. Changes made us aware of everything little by little and helped us to advance our lifestyle, to acquire knowledge.
In my life, changes occurred without giving me a warning. I had no other option except accepting them with my whole heart. I was a very cheerful and happy child back then but as the time passes I became more silent than the cold death and more mature than a child should in a blink of an eye. I was a book worm, I used to find comfort, pleasure in the pleasant world of books but now those books I loved the most no longer excites me the same, brings the same peace I enjoyed.
We all need to meet that someone who makes us feel like our flaws, insecurities don't exist, I thought. **But my mom made me realise if you can't find such a person then why don't you become one?? It is much much better to become the love you search for in other's. She adviced me to colour my heart with different shades of self love and to bloom for only myself. She made me realised that it's important to do what is best for myself, what makes me happy whether people accept it or not because at end of the day my happiness and self contentment are the only things which matters the most. It is really important to know that I should not create uncountable layers of myself that I forget which layer was the real one just to please people in vein. **These advices are too pretty to follow, right??
There was a time when I felt that night is more alive and richly colored than the day. There was a time when all I wanted is to cry without any reason just to enjoy my aliveness. Often we think tears are signs of weaknesses but I believe tears are the signs of victory and aliveness, tears are the river of our human soul. There was a time when I used to look in the mirror very often not because I wanted to adore my flawless glowing skin but because I wanted to know that I still exists. There was a time when I used to shut all the doors and windows just to save myself from all the unfamiliar creatures who were roaming on the same earth I was living.
Over time I realised sometimes we have to 'Leave some memories and Live some memories this is the rule of happy and prosperous life. Back then I was accustomed to ask myself,
**_why I am the only one who is suffering, getting lots of pain where other people are just casually enjoying their life?? Why am I not perfect while everyone is totally perfect and flawless?? **_More I pondered the more I became tired of myself.
I did not get proper answers to my questions but the feeling I felt at that time was totally unfamiliar to me. The surrounding my feelings made was warm enough to melt my frozen heart, to breathe freely, to flap my wings after a long hiatus.
In my past, I used to make myself caged all the time without knowing that there is a beautiful world to enjoy, to taste, to wander, to live so it is totally unworthy not to enjoy those beauties. I have killed, that personality that people created for them, a lot of time. It was indeed painful but worthy to do again and again as it was totally impossible for me to hold on all the griefs, voidness, sadness I was carrying all the time inside me. The morning after I killed myself for ever, I started to dreamt those dreams which I had never dreamt.
I still remember that day when the sun shined on me for the very first time, I had never seen such a bright and glowing sun ever, I had nerve felt the scented warmth of the sun before. If I could turn back the time, I would like to go back to those moments when I was happy, the real happy.
Like the ferocious wind, my painful memories are coming back again as nightmares. It seems the flowers around me are withering, the petals are falling down even in autumn. They will stop coming back if I put myself in a heavy and deep slumber, I wonder. My beloved Moon let my nightmares sleep till dawn.
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Let the moon remind you why change is necessary... Thank you for giving your valuable time and reading my article. I appreciate all the efforts you showered on me.
Photo source :— https://unsplash.com/photos/NbgQfUvKFE0
Nightbird01 8.09.22