Managing addiction

For the first part of my life, the only mean of communication being making calls via telephone, writing physical mail to maintain long distance relationship. I can still recall the agony of waiting the girl to reply my mail and after weeks of waiting, just to read a few lines of how busy she was and she need to concentrate on studies.

As I grew older, I started to realize writing mail isn't the way to go. Long distance relationship will only end up she live happily ever after with the guy she think she love, unfortunately that's not me. So, making calls more often is the way to go. Every weekend, I told my mom I'll be going to the library to study, just to have an excuse making calls at the public phone for hours 🀣

I think I didn't realize it was an addiction, until I have my own girlfriend. She moved in to my house, and I had to make excuse going out just to make calls to some other girls πŸ˜‚ call me an asshole, but I didn't realize I was addicted. At the same time, I thought smoking cigarettes was some kind of fashion.

One thing I need to emphasize, it's an influence from the rock band I grew up with. As if doing drugs, sleeping with girls, smoking publicly like a chimney being the overall projection of a successful musician. At first, I will pretend so badly to smoke Infront of my band mates. And then, I need to pretend like a gangster smoking at the arcade. It got worse when I am at work, I had to smoke everytime I talk to someone just to be sure "I'm with you" are present πŸ˜‚

How do I know I'm addicted? It hard to say, but at one point when I'm sitting at home, alone. No girlfriend. No relative. Just myself, alone. There's no need for me to pretend or "fashion" myself, yet I found myself craving for cigarettes, and then I know I'm in deep shit. I used to buy 1 stick of cigarettes from the community shop, and then small box. As my working environment changed, need to offer cigarettes as gesture of friendship, had to go big box.

By the time I realized I woke up first thing, I'm standing at the balcony lighting up a cigarette instead of brush teeth, I really know I'm in deep shit and still I choose to buy extra box to keep in the car, at home, at the toilet, beside the TV, on the piano which I don't play for 2 decades, at the work desk, so I don't have to worry if cigarettes run out, rather than buying a bowl of salad to keep in the fridge.

You see, that is the first two part of my addiction. The younger me whom always crave to have attention from opposite sex, I did it by way of writing and calling, until my girlfriend threaten to breakup with me and she move back so I can call her instead of calling other girls πŸ˜‚ I really need to thank her for that, she taught me to sit down and speak face to face. I'm glad she's someone's wife today and wish her happily ever after. The last thing she want to know is, I'm well trained and I can talk to my wife properly rather than texting her face to face 🀣

The next chapter, getting off from cigarettes addiction? Thanks to covid. I remember I have mentioned that several times over the past 2 years. There was a mandatory lockdown going on, and I ran out of cigarettes. The nearby convenient shop has no cigarette supply, and both my car's battery dead. I was so desperate to an extend I roll the toilet paper, lite it up and the heavily processed recycled paper choked me almost caused me suffocation πŸ˜‚ since then, I decided enough is enough.


Fast forward to current situation. I've got a small complication happen to my body. Work pressure is currently at its peak, and my body took the toll. I'm not in immediate danger, but the blood test suggest if I don't change my diet, soon I'm gonna be gone. Here comes my 3rd deadly addiction in my life, which probably many of us fall for it and still haven't the slightest idea we've the victim.

SUGAR

There's no nutrition value to sugar. The sole purpose for the existence of sugar being, taste. I've done lots of readings, safe to conclude our body does not require sugar to function at all. All we need is eat food, and our body can produce enough sugar to function. Now that I'm aware of this, everytime I picked up anything and everything has added sugar to it πŸ˜‚

For the past few weeks, I've been trying to warn myself to stay away from sugar, and often I found myself eating ice cream at McDonald's, convincing myself it's only an ice cream, not sugar 🀣 I don't know if I can successfully remove myself from sugar. I don't like to use "replacement" to help me quit something that I'm addicted to. Like many suggested me to start vaping before I drop cigarettes. Trust me, I tried. It only lead to more problem and way more money spent.

Nope. Not sugar, it's root beer. Oh wait, my country doesn't allow BEER to be used at public places, because it may confused our Muslim friends from the alcohol beverages. We have successfully renamed it as RB 🀣 corn dog is now corn sausage 🀣🀣🀣

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