Hello mga ka-Hive. It's me again, @bingbing1218 with another post. This is just a realization blog or a journal - expressing my inner thoughts. Nothing too much happened. I hope you'll read it until the end.
Disclaimer: All photos used here are from my photo gallery and were taken by me a year or months ago. 😁
"Today, I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed"
Quoting Mr. Bruno Mars famous song.
It was a lazy Saturday. I took it literally. LOL.
Hey! It is finally Saturday! The end of the week. In my mind, I should get out and celebrate for finishing this week strong. A celebratory getaway because I deserve it.
It has been a busy week for me from drafting legislations, Pasigarbo sa Sugbo duties, meeting and catching up with friends, playing badminton with the Shuttle Breakers to traveling to Cebu for an important matter. I believe I am entitled for a breather.
Those were all in my mind, however, my body said the opposite.
"You should take a rest Bev." my body ordered.
With my body's order, I know I should listen and obey to it because of this quote "Health is wealth". Indeed, it is true and I could not agree more. Originally, I and the shuttle breakers members were supposed to go to Paharuhay Campsite at Tabogon on Saturday. But unfortunately, one of the member's uncle passed away hence, to pay respect, we all agreed to postpone it to next Saturday, July 20.
I was partly glad that it got postponed because it then sank in to me that I really do need to take a rest. I reached home from Cebu city late Friday night. I also skipped my Pasigarbo duties - we have duties every Saturday by the way. I let my introvert side rule over me.
Being the free-spirited that I am and a woman who always loves to travel, people presume that I always have a "ganap (happenings)" every weekend. I also do get tired too. Just like all of you. Aside from the financial constraints, my body could not keep up to my plans. I am now getting a lot of body pains e.g back pains. This is definitely a sign of aging. A harsh truth.
Me with the sunset at Bogo City Pantalan. This was somewhere in January 2024, a new year pose. 😁
Dinner with a close friend at Scape Skydeck at Lapu-Lapu. Taken on May 2024.
So, I was just lying on my bed the whole day and was glued to my phone. I was busy scrolling my Tiktok feed and checking some posts in Facebook and Instagram. Doing it simultaneously. I had brunch (breakfast and lunch) while watching movie on Netflix. I watched "Richie Rich" a classic movie. How I wish I am as rich as this kid, Richie.
I then took an afternoon power nap. In fact, it was a very deep and long sleep that it was not even a nap. But I could vividly remember my dream that time. That was how exhausted I was. When I woke up, I felt recharged and refreshed. Thank God I listened to my body. It was a much needed rest. And I went back to scrolling my Tiktok newsfeed entertaining myself with the Tiktoker's posts. Some were for entertainment, some were informational and educational, and there were some posts that would really hit you real hard - very relatable especially if you are going through something.
At around 6:30 in the evening, I took my dinner and took a bath. Again, went back to bed afterwards, drafted this blog post while listening to music.
One of the songs I played. I love classics. 😍
Realizations hit me. It got me reflecting. I am not just physically tired but emotionally and mentally tired and drained too. Tired and drained in a sense that I began to overthink about my life. I don't know if this is quarter life crisis but I felt like I am stuck and my life is stagnant. Please don't get me wrong on this, the life that I have right now is what I have been praying for years ago. I am blessed and I am thankful to God for that. But with what surrounds me now; my sister next to me will be getting married soon - leveling up to another phase of her life, while our youngest is pursuing her career as a chemist, it seems like I needed to make a move with my life and it is an action must taken. Sometimes, I wonder and ask myself, where am I going? What is my purpose in life? It also seems like my life is not going the way that I planned it.
At this age, I should have achieved something especially in my career. I should have a family of my own. Yet here I am, feeling stuck and can't figure out where I am going. All I think about is travel, badminton, doing rides and other stuff. This resorted me to comparing my life to others especially my batchmates and sisters where they have already achieved their dreams, getting married, getting pregnant, having a family of their own, having a partner and their own home. I know this is not healthy but it is inevitable.
I started asking God, "When shall I experience those?".
"When is my turn?".
"When is my time?".
It is only God who can answer those questions.
At Medellin Public Plaza. I went a solo short ride one Saturday night and just did people watching.
Moreover, adulting is undoubtedly and incredibly tough. It is survival of the fittest. Struggles such as financial - living from paycheck to paycheck and dealing with piled up bills and mental health issues would definitely push you to your limits. When I was young, I would always wish to be an adult so that I could buy whatever I want and could travel wherever and whenever I need to. Now that I am already an adult, I want to go back to being a kid - carefree with no responsibilities. It was a scam. Just kidding.
At the same time, those thoughts were immediately counterattacked. On a positive note, each has their own timelines in life. As cliche as it may sound, just always trust the process and your time will come. It is not necessary to have it all figured out so don't stress it out. Let go and Let God. So, I will just take a pleasure in my phase and waiting season patiently. Wait gracefully. There is no need to worry about the future as it is already well-taken cared of by Him and just enjoy the present. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy every bits of it. Live in the now and take this opportunity to grow and be a better version.
A rainbow after the rain. Taken last week when it was raining heavily then a rainbow showed up after.
Sometimes, we all have this kind of episodes in life. We have a lot of questions and the uncertainties scare us. But hey, we will get through this. We got this. Just hang in there. When life gets tough and draining, just take a rest just like what I did.
With all that being said, I am leaving you with my life verse Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future".
Until my next blog.
With so much love - XOXO,
Bev 😘