Three months ago, I decided to get fresh air from my tiny place. Without much a thought, I caught the train to go back home and I ended up having a mini adventure at this station Exploring One of The Oldest Railway Station in Indonesia: Stasiun Tugu. I didn't think through about how long will I stay and many other factors. I simply wanted to leave the life that I used to know. If there's one thing I fail to learn is that it does not matter where you go, your problem accompanies you everywhere. It will tap your shoulders,haunt you in your dreams, and even when you tried your hardest to forget it, that problem still stays and won't leave until you decided to solve it. And by solving it, I mean not running away but actually facing it. And well, there's also something I learn, when you are moving into a new place, there's gonna be more problems.
This time, my problem is living with people who doesn't have shared lifestyle or even remotely similar lifestyle. I found myself once again returning to my teenage years where I was very impulsive, a nervous wreck, and all over the place. In this place, there is no concept of minimalism. Everything is already minimal because the people living with me now hardly making ends meet.
There are so many things that I attach to minimalism lifestyle that is actually a luxury for these people that I live with. Their lifestyle isn't called minimalism, it is the face of urban poverty. The minimalism lifestyle that I practiced is something normal to them. It is their already their reality.Eating less, going out less, less electricity, less clothing, eating the same meal all over again, even spend less. Meanwhile for me, living independently has helped me to be a bit more privileged. And coming home means I introduced them to my lifestyle which according to them is some kind of luxury. For instance, my mom told me that she rarely drinks milk unless a special occasion while for me milk is necessity. She is also always using a bar soap because it's cheaper option and last longer. I know some minimalist that glorifies the use of bar soap as if that was something magical. But that was not for my mom. I find it interesting that I snobbishly try to call myself a minimalist and practicing something that this family has been practicing from the last 5 years.
However, I notice the difference between the likes of my mom vs the minimalist. The people like my mom find it hard to discard a duplicate. Meanwhile, a minimalist would discard a duplicate.At home there are many bags, many cups, and a lot of stuff that is enough for 10 people instead of four person. This house is simply full of stuff that's either broken or needs to be replaced.
When I told my mom about the idea of minimalism, she laughed at me.
" we already live less, how less do you want we to be? no house and clothes? " she responded. But I kept on telling her about it and she wondered where did I find these thing that sounds sophisticated but is actually her reality. Even the idea of living slow is beyond her. She asked me, why would I want to have a slower life when I have to maximize my effort to reach my goals.
Living back with them has also opened up my eyes that I am not an actual minimalist in a sense of spend less. I have already practiced dress with less, travel lightly but when it comes to minimizing my finance, I still find it challenging. That is because that usually correlates to the effort I put into my life. If I only need less, why would I want more? but over the course of year, I try to see it a bit more differently. It does not mean that living with less means less money. Creating a balance is needed but again, I am not someone who is good with balance and I like to be on the extreme side of things.
And that being side, moving back to where I used to spent much of my life, has been a bit eye-opening too. I notice that there's a pattern that I must break. Every time I go home, I will always get new things because the thing that is in the house does not meet my aesthetic needs nor it is even functional. So, I always find myself hoarding more stuff and that bothers me. Even when it comes to practicing mindful living, I still can't do it. As the stresses of the house situation get to me, I find myself spending more time online and eventually burning myself out by staying up late and forcing myself to overwork. And honestly, I don't recall anymore the last time I did meditation or even journaling my monkey brain since I am home.
Thankfully, I am getting slapped by reality as I type this from the dining room that is cluttered with my coffee bags, cereals, and mini storage bags for my stuff. It's really time to say enough. Enough of being all over the place and enough with being so cluttered and unfocused. I definitely won't give up to try minimalism lifestyle once again or even adjust to the way the people live here instead creating another resentment.
