Riding the CATA bus...Again...
Rebuilding the wreckage of our lives...
This is the second post I have made for this new community, and I am going to be posting here a lot in an attempt to build this space. There is a need for Addiction and Recovery support here, and everywhere really, so in my best effort, I am trying to fill a need. I do not expect this to blow up, but I do want to encourage people to post here whether for catharsis for themselves, or just to support others. Personally, I am in the process of rebuilding the wreckage of the choices I have made. It is very hard, but it is also very humbling. Going to school, getting degrees, starting a business, and everything else I have done in the last six years went right down the tubes as soon as I decided to pick up a drink and drug. It took three years, but it took five minutes, if that makes sense. Now, I have to fix the things I destroyed, one day at a time...
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over drugs and alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
That is the first step of the twelve step programs. Until a person can come to terms with that step, nothing else matters. I never really accepted that. To me, it was a sign of weakness and I am smart, so you know, I had it figured out. For me the relapse began with a craving for a beer, of all things. I mean, I don't even drink like that! I am an ex heroin addict! The worst thing that could have happened happened when I drank it, nothing...
From Bad to Worse...
After drinking that beer and having no consequences, it did not take long before I decided that smoking some weed was a good idea, and eventually, I progressed to taking opiate pills. Might as well have been doing heroin again, essentially the same thing, and given enough time, I would have been. Thankfully, and sadly, things came to a head before that happened. I went to jail for a domestic violence charge on my wife, and now it appears that a divorce is imminent. Guess that first step really is important, huh?
No shortcuts...
The main thing I have learned from this experience is that there really are no shortcuts when it comes to recovery. If you short yourself working the steps and working a program, eventually, you will pay the price. Anyone that is just getting into recovery, please, let me encourage you to learn from my experiences. That is what we do here, share our experience, strength, and hope with each other so that others can recover as well. We only have today, and if we make the most of today, then there is a chance that tomorrow will be better. I do not claim to have a monopoly on wisdom on this subject. In fact, I obviously do not know how to do it right, or I would not be here at age forty eight starting over again. I do however thank God that I have the chance to start over again, there are a lot of people that did not wake up this morning to have that chance.
Something to think about...
