I used to be a very insensitive, stubborn and somewhat rude person.
But then I noticed in every situation I have mocked someone or be outrightly rude, when I could be more compassionate and understanding, life always presents to me the same scenario or similar case.
In that instance, I got to experience the same treatment I had dished out to other people.
At first, it did not occur to me that I was experiencing some sort of boomerang effect until my sober reflections.
Once, I had a fall-out with my mom and I had expected her to be more understanding towards my plight, but she was just mean to me and was talking to me in the most condescending manner.
I was really hurt and I cried. Like coming from someone else I might not have cared so much, but from my mother? I wondered why she was so mean to me.
I was so hurt that I started talking to space and asking do I deserve such treatment from her? As there was no one I could complain to at the time.
I just couldn't come to terms with all that had transpired between my mom and me, so when the atmosphere was less tensed, I approached my mother.
In a very calm and polite manner, I asked her why she addressed me in such a rude and condescending tone.
In her response, she said to me:
“Oh! You don't like being disrespected, but you do it to other people?”.
I was mute and shocked and all what was going through my head at the time was, “is this what being disrespected feels like?”
That instance I felt the urge to apologize to all those I had treated badly because I felt somehow they deserved it.
I realized I had been a very brutally judgmental person and that attitude needed to go.
The other day, I was complaining to my friend that I feel I push my daughter too hard. I mean, she's still a baby, and then I'd expect her to do certain things that ordinarily she doesn't possess the mental capacity to. But this did not occur to me then, as I felt she ought to do better.
It started with her assignments, whenever she gets it wrong or couldn't do it right, I yell.
More so, in the mood of rage, I terrified her and found myself comparing her to other children, especially her classmates who I have seen being awarded for coming top best in their class.
When I finished complaining, my friend was mute for a while, then said to me, “do you think you might be seeing your flaws in your daughter?”
These words resounded in my subconscious, but I refused to accept it.
As if unsure what I heard him say to him, I asked him “my flaws?” and he responded yes.
Then he continued, “the fact you feel she's not doing well enough might just be you projecting your insecurities”.
At the time, I did not agree with him as I felt I had no insecurities, I am too perfect, I had thought.
Then one day, during open day while I was discussing her progress with her teacher, I got to know she was among the youngest in the class.
As such, it's a gigantic struggle to catch up with the older children whom are 5 or 6 with more developed mentality.
Turns out among her age bracket of 3 to 4, she does better with academic navigation, and it's completely normal, the pace at which she's growing.
I felt awful, and like the teacher knew had been going on, she advised I be patient with her.
Truly, when I heard the older children I compared her with speak, it dawned on me that really I had been unfair pushing my daughter beyond her limit.
For starters, her speech was not all that clear at the time, she was just 3.
Then in my quiet moment, I reflected on all what my friend said about me projecting my insecurities to my daughter and I found out he was right.
I get scared of being tagged a failure, and in my solitude I sometimes feel I am not good enough.
I really did have insecurities, but I thought I could bury them deep enough for them not to rare their ugly head.
In that instance, I realized it's ok to make mistakes, it's ok to fail because how do we go through the learning curve when there are no mistakes or failures to learn from?
I became more compassionate in my relationship with people, and before I pass any judgement I'd ask myself what if it were me because now I have come to the realization that I am not perfect.
I too can make mistakes, so what if I am the one who has done the abominable? Would I want to be humiliated? Cast out? Or be understood and treated with love instead.
Over the years, these techniques, and experiences have reshaped, made me come to terms with myself and resolved several inner conflicts I had failed to pay attention to.
PS
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