Tell Yourself To "Shut Up!"
"Shut up!" - It seems like a rather offensive message to say to someone else, let alone yourself.
However, this post is not a negative one nor an offensive one and I hope that you'll get some benefit out of it before the end of it.
To start with, I need to give credit where credit is due and acknowledge the source of what I am about to say.
I also need to explain a few concepts ìn psychology to help convey understanding a lot better so that we're all on the same page.
The source of what I am about to say is a rather controversial figure, namely one Sam Vaknin, former visiting professor of psychology and author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited.
I've been listening to his YouTube channels as a way to help overcome some recent trauma over the last few years.
Psychological Glossary
Psychology isn't a science; it's a pseudo-science that pretends to be science but it just cannot adhere to the scientific method. With this in mind, please that what I sating next with a grain of salt.
Objects - In psychology, people are referred to as "objects".
Object Constency - The ability to perceive people and other objects as existing constanly outside of your field of view. Babies don't have object constancy, thinking that "Mummy" won't be coming back after she's left the room and starts crying.
Introjects - These are mental objects created to represent the outside world within your own mind.
These can take the form of cliches, catchphrases, sayings, parental voices, peer voices, life advice, etc. When you think of your friend, the mental image is of what they looked like last time you saw them and recognition is based on a comparison between the two (which is why we notice things like hair cuts and beard style changes).
Shutting Down Negative Voices
Most of us have an inner monologue that narrates our every movement, past, present and future. This is a louder voice that sounds like "us".
However, this voice isn't your "true self".
Your "true self" is quiet 95% of the time and soft spoken the rest of the time. It's things whispered or things said under your breath. A short sentence, very positive and never negative, that bubbles up from your subconscious is your true voice.
It can be heard when you seek out silence. Some call it "insight".
The negative voices, are not you but are in fact introjects. They come from outside of yourself, from judgemental parents or excessively doubting peers telling you that something can't be done, you aren't good enough, no one will hire you, and that person you like romantically will never ever go out on a date with you.
These introjects play out over and over in your mind until you forget who said them, and you think that they are your own thoughts.
It's scary stuff. And it can be quite literally life threatening if those voices become dark enough to have you considering homocide or more commonly suicide.
More commonly though it manifests as a form of anxiety. The voice starts telling you that you're going to fail when you are given a brand new task, regardless of how easy the task might happen to be.
This happened to me yesterday when I was lucky enough to get a shift setting up for and catering for a function at the South Australian Museum. I had never carried a tray of full drinks before, and the idea that I would lose my balance and drop a whole tray of drinks, shattering the glasses came to mind.
But I remembered Sam Vaknin's paraphrased words, "Tell that negative voice to shut up!" and mentally, I did just that. I exhailed and cleared my mind and reminded myself that even though it was a new experience I would try my best.
A Night At The MuseumCarrying the drinks tray was easier than I expected, but I had also watched several YouTube videos on how to do it properly beforehand.
Thankfully some of the exercises contained in the videos helped me and while I did manage to smash a glass, it was an empty one and I wasn't the only person to do so that night. I cleaned it up with a broom and dustpan with minimum fuss.
The event catered for nearly 200 people in a very tight space and for the most part it went without incident.
One funny moment / near miss was when one of the clientele waved her hand around and flicked the top of a nearly empty beer bottle on my tray that I was returning to the kitchen.
I tried to compensate as the bottle tipped over, landing on it's side on the tray while the remaining liquid was dislodged and escaped out of the bottle's neck on the floor, narrowly missing a woman to my side!
I apologised, restored the bottle to an upright position on the tray and kept going.
At the end of the night, the supervisors thanked me profusely for my efforts and I have been offered another few shifts for the weekend.
And I got this cool selfie too.
Server selfieIf you're ever depressed, or hearing darker voices, tell them to shut up! It works.
It takes a lot of practice, but it's worth it.
"You're not good enough!"
"Shut up!"
"They'd' never date you..."
"Shut up!"
"You're going to fail!"
"Shut up!"
When your mind becomes quiet, you can replace these thoughts with something either positive, neutral or just more silence.
Positivity can be toxic as well, but I'll discuss that in a future post.
Update: Right now I am on my way to another shift that I was offered this morning.
Until next time,
Thanks for reading.
From my heart to yours...
Shaidon