From time to time, Mrs. Denmarkguy and I end up having lengthy discussions about human nature and the many things we humans do, which — ironically — enables her to have a quite successful counseling practice.
Of course, people don't always often want to hear the very things that will get them out of their self-imposed emotional pain and suffering.
That's one of our quirks...
Many folks will keep "asking questions" of mental health professionals (and others) ostensibly in search of help, but they just keep asking the same questions until they find someone who gives them an answer they like. Not an answer that might work for them, but an answer they like.
That's the whole "not wanting to hear" thing, playing out.
Anyway, one of the ways people often visit a lot of unhappiness and suffering on themselves is by making their successes and joys contingent on others.
When we say "contingent," it's essentially the difference between the two statements "You MAKE me happy," and "I FEEL happy when I am with you."
Making other people "responsible" for your success, or happiness, or something else really amounts to little more than disempowering yourself!
This has a way of heading particularly far south when it comes to such things as evaluating our endeavors and successes. Too much comparison to others as to whether or not we were successful is a slippery slope!
Did it feel like success, to YOU?
"Yeah, but Bob got a better result!"
Be that as it may, you just admitted that you felt successful... until you decided you were not successful because Bob had a better result.
Interestingly enough, one of the factors that often leads us to fail with our goals and ambitions is that we give too much power to other people to decide how our lives are going.
Maybe Bob got a better result because he has 40 years experience at whatever-it-was, and you have six months.
Comparisons are deadly. Your life, is your life!
Of course, I am quite guilty of the same thing, at least sometimes.
In truth, that was part of what inspired this post. I was standing upstairs — in my creative workspace — and feeling quite pleased with the painting work I do, and actually thinking that I was feeling impressed with my work. And this was backed up by the fact that we had a fairly successful "show season," overall.
But then that little voice crept into my head, reminding me how I have creative "colleagues" who do much the same work, but are far more (commercially) successful than I am.
Which sort of ruined the moment, a bit. Until I got over myself.
It's that time of the year when we often are making plans and setting goals for the new year. Which is all good and fine... but try to make them your own goals.
That's my goal, for 2024. To set my own goals.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great New Year's weekend!
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Created at 2023-12-30 00:08 PST
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