My Dom Assigned This
At first, i'll admit i was a little bit hurt. i mean, i've worn His collar for years now. Was He truly telling me i needed a beginner's course in what it means to be submissive? But, as an obedient sub, i accepted His instruction meekly, with no reply except "as You wish, Master." It didn't take me long to see why i was being assigned to read this. Basically, think of this as Constanza Miriano's Marry Him and Be Submissive, but for kinkier women.
Not Shy At All!
"Central to your training is the primary understanding that you are becoming... who you have always been on the inside. The purpose of training is to scrape away the roles, myths and conventions of society... and replace it with the reality of your core being."
-Page 7
Wow... I mean, just, wow! I've read plenty of "here is how to be a submissive woman" books in my years as a consensual odalisque, but none of them have ever had the courage to start off with "the world out there is a lie, and your Master will train you to be what you really are: His," with that kind of frankness. So many BDSM books start off with pages and pages of disclaimers about "remember, it's only a game, only a role, and only for the bedroom." But here was a book that said from the outset "yes, it's real; you want to be His property, and the world outside, where you have to pretend to be equal, is the part that's just playing a role." It was like having a bucket of cold water dumped on my head after wandering in the desert: refreshing, but still a shock.
The book does not pussyfoot around. While most BDSM primers refer to "your Top" or "your Dom," or even "your partner," this habitually refers to the one on the left side of the slash (who is always presumed to be Male by the way, which also put me more at ease) as "your Master," and from the first page it attests that a sub (the author stops short of calling us slaves; i guess no book is perfect) should not seek to be trained "without a full commitment of service to your Master." A page later it drives that point home harder. "You are His. That is the core of your identity."
Again, in a world where so many books speak of the Dom's obligations while requiring nothing of the one in lowercase who is pledging ourself to subservience (which is totally backward and I think that should be obvious), Cramer rips all the veils off of the naked, vulnerable truth that yes, you are committing yourself to exist for Him and not for yourself when you let Him put that collar on you.
Not Just A "101" Course
Okay, so at 68 pages in length, this little book isn't going to be an end-all-be-all to the deep psychological reasoning behind what makes D/s relationships as fulfilling as those of us in the collar know they are. It doesn't go into the gender psychology that underpins the prevalence of Maledom as opposed to Femdom relationships, and it doesn't really delve into the well-documented connections between displays of Male Dominance and aroused responses from females.
However, it does give more than just "this is how you sub." Every point the author makes is followed up in some way, sometimes more subtly than others, with a "here's why." For example:
"The focus of a submissive woman's pleasure is to ensure that she is providing her Master pleasure in all ways. Everything you do is a reflection on your Master and His training. A slave who is awkward, loud, rude or sloppy does not bring pride or pleasure to her Master..."
-Page 22
So, part of the reason i picked that was just because it was one of the few times the author actually uses the term "slave" instead of "sub" and that just gives me goosebumps. But more importantly it shows the book's primary value. It doesn't just tell a submissive woman what to do or how to behave, but it gives fairly simple and straightforward answers about why this is so.
So Who Should Read It?
...Well, i honestly think the front cover answers that question pretty clearly, but i would also recommend this book to any woman who is in the "i wonder if there is more to this D/s stuff than those silly 'Fifty Shades penny dreadfuls" phase of exploring Male-led D/s relationships. It cuts through the fantasy tripe spun by so much erotica and gets right down to the cold, hard, and often sweaty, sticky and cum-soaked day-to-day facts about what this lifestyle entails, and what it requires from a woman in lowercase. It will give you the type of real-talk, no BS introduction i never thought anyone in the real world had the guts to deliver.
...Well, not in the West in the twenty-first century, anyway.
