Resentment is a big feeling — not only does it deprive you of your peace, but it also takes away that spirit to forgive and seek revenge on the person who has hurt you. I knew about this as I was growing up and discovered I shouldn't have done that especially when I saw a quote that talks about proving to them with your effort while success keeps them shut forever.
One thing that makes me sad then was how people could be so mean to hurt your feelings and not think of the future, and it is because they are quick to judge and criticize you, looking less or down at you and ending up causing you a big pain that you can never forget. With this, whenever you see such a person, you either avoid them so you don't engage in any other talks or you keep thinking of how to get back at them in whatever means, no matter what it'd cost you — this is called Resentment.
I have many times in the past years resented a particular member of my family, not one but all members of my Dad's family. They thought I wouldn't go to school to study and would only be affected by unwanted pregnancy because of my wayward life then. This stopped them from having anything to do with my academics as they came together and cooperated. Was it because they were capable and had to take advantage of that? Will they let me stop schooling because of such thoughts towards me? At least they should have allowed and given me the benefit of the doubt.
I was hurt. I felt they would be the reason if I do not continue my schooling and be the best I want to be. I had them in mind and many times I wish something should happen to them. I felt cheated in my heart and wished I had the power to let them know they were wrong all along. At that moment, I resented them but it was affecting me too.
Another scenario where I resented another family member was when she sent my belongings out from her house back to my father's house, all because of an issue that included my Dad. What was my fault? They only had an issue with my dad being their elder brother, how come the daughter shares in the blame? My dad wasn't even to be blamed for all that happened but they felt they were in a higher position to deprive us of what we could have enjoyed from them. They saw how dad was incapable of sending us to school and they used that on us and we felt so bad.
My siblings and I were mad at them. Even when my elder sister quickly forgave them, I had it in mind not to. "I will become great and will never depend on them", I said to my sister when she was trying to sit me down, explaining things to me, but I turned a deaf ear and was determined to take the step I had in my mind.
One thing resentment does is to make you see that what was being done to you is unfair and seen as bad treatment. No one loves to hold onto grudges for long, they just can't help it when they do. They feel those who hurt them deserve to be dealt with, and in so doing, they start looking for ways to hurt them back and make them realize what they did hurt them.
I felt so in my mind but my only revenge was never to be seen with or go close to them, and a decision I made was to never ask for anything or depend on them; this is something I am doing as I live independently on my own. All thanks to my sister who sponsored all during my time at the University. This eventually changed the mind of my aunts who started sending me a little amount once in a while seeing I wasn't coming to them for anything. Perhaps that pained them after realizing what they did was wrong.
I realized they didn't see me asking for anything but willingly did their part. Were they afraid of what the future might turn out to be? Maybe that gave them a change of heart.
I stopped resenting them a long time ago since I noticed I was hurting myself too in that process. I just discovered I get angry at the sight of them or when my siblings talk about them and that sends peace away from me. I kept thinking of how they had treated me then when I wasn't at fault.
They never apologized but I just decided to let go and forgive anyone who happened to treat me unfairly.
What people do not yet understand which I have is that when we feel resentful, we focus our thoughts on the negatives and punish ourselves more than how we do to others, including the ones we are holding our grudges against. The feeling of resentment is exhausting. It is physically and emotionally draining and in the end, our minds and bodies come to suffer the greatest.
Resentment steals our peace and happiness and makes us think more about hating than loving those we could have just forgiven and let it slide. Most times, when we have this feeling, it makes it hard to see the positive side of life and things because we have been blinded.
The only solution to overcoming resentment is by accepting what has happened to us and choosing to forgive whoever made us so. Just as a post of resentment by @naradamoon, I love the way he put it;
It is not about drastically eliminating the feeling of resentment, it is about assuming a process of acceptance and forgiveness in the face of what happened to us.
As for me, I choose to forgive those involved in my feeling of resentment and today, we are closer to one another as a family would. I graduated and made them see my determination to go to school. Today, one of my aunts would praise me because of how I chose to stand alone without depending on anyone. All thanks to Hive for the privilege and I think that is something I am proud of today.
I find peace within after letting go. I made happiness stick to me because I felt I shouldn't hate anyone or hold grudges as it would affect me too. This is me today feeling free and holding onto peace.
Thanks for your time on my blog.
This is my submission to the month of February's theme on Resentment
