My anger took the better part of me
A true life story.
My name is Julian, I am from a family of four, Dad, Mom, senior Brother, and I.
I am the only daughter of the house and the last child, I will be 20 years old by 2023. My family background is not that buoyant, we are not poor either.
I grew up with little or no friends, my best friend was my Elder brother Peter.
Brother Peter taught me almost everything including cooking and manner of speaking because my parents weren't that available because of work.
Brother Peter linked me up with his friends, sometimes we played football together and boys' games and this made me start behaving like a boy.
Did I forget to tell you about my parents?
They are Mr. Lawrence Charles and Mrs. Margret Charles, Mom is a Teacher and a trader at the same time while Dad is a transporter.
Because of their profession, they hardly had time for me which made me grow with less fatherly care, especially in the areas of paying bills and advice.
(Pixabay)
Now back to my relationships with boys.
During my school days, I hardly mingled with girls as it wasn't my thing to behave girlish, my friends were all boys. I was the kind of girl who hooked up girls with my fine boys around me while I kept an emotionless friendship with the boys.
Days, weeks, months, and years passed and I was out of college, the real-life experience set in.
Like I lived my life like a boy, I housed the boyish ego within me, easily got angry at slight provocation, very defensive, and might do nasty things when provoked.
( Pixabay)
As I grew to be a young woman I didn't stop making male friends, I figured out that guys are sweet souls to be around with. They pamper me and protect me with a full chest.
But they were just friends. I had a best friend named Jacky, he was a sweet person, always coming to my aid and making my life worthwhile.
One day Jacky said, Julian when will you be in a relationship? I gave him a surprised look but didn't answer in a hurry, slowly I replied: "Time shall tell".
I know I needed to be in a relationship but I felt too young for that, to fill that vacuum I met a young man named Julius who asked me to be her daughter, you know that type of father and daughter relationship.
He cared for me, housed me sometimes, took me to places, and advised me severely.
Did I forget to talk about my Childhood friend?
Her name is Esther, she is the only girl I accepted to be my friend, though she is worrisome but is also my best friend.
The day I and Esther visited my young father Julius he wasn't comfortable at first time, but as time passed they became lovers and I was sidelined a bit, this made me crave for relationship the more.
One day I ran into a guy named Richard. Richard came into my life and we started dating.
Richard is the 2nd son of his parents and has a small business. He was 23 but now 24 years old.
Richard had made so many beautiful promises to me and oh my God he was very sweet to be around. One day I came to his apartment and met her ex with him. I was devastated and left his apartment.
Along the way I was so furious, that I couldn't control my anger, I hit the road and walked on foot for a very long time till I got exhausted and fainted. I couldn't have taken that decision but I had to because of anger. I was admitted to the hospital and after a few days, I was discharged.
I didn't want to see Richard again, I guess a relationship wasn't my thing because it requires a lot. I decided to accept my boyish lifestyle the more.
I got a job and was very busy with it, but later on decided to learn a craft. Thank God I started doing well for myself.
(Pixabay)
After some time I felt I needed to be in a relationship again and there is this guy I have been talking with for some time. I loved this guy but he is yet to make a move to me.
I decided to make a move to his place, he accepted me and we got talking. One thing led to another and we became lovers.
He was the love of my life, I was overwhelmed with love, and I did not need anything that would jeopardize my chances of ending up with him.
I cut most of my friendships with guys and decided to stay honest and true to him.
But I had a problem with him. He always wants to be the man in the relationship but I find it hard to submit because I haven't accepted submission throughout my life. We had several issues which I find so hard to apologize.
Sometimes our differences will linger for a while because saying sorry isn't in my dictionary.
Sometimes I can easily walk away from him, cut calls on him, talk to him anyhow, and make decisions that are nasty as a result of anger.
This guy did not see my anger issues as a threat, he believed that I would get better. He went ahead to introduce me to his family and I did the same to my own family, he became my fiance.
To be honest I was bittered and provoked at the slightest thing. I always wanted him to be as sweet as all my male friends. Though he was sweet I was too blind to see that because of anger added that I was comparing our relationship to the other guys.
One day I and my fiance had a dialogue
Premium is his name.
Premium: Babe what's wrong with you?
I: leave me alone.
Premium: Are you sure you want this relationship?
I: Mute
Premium: Do you know that your anger is getting the better part of you?
I: Mute
Premium: Why are you comparing me with your male friends as if they were in a love relationship with you, do you think relationships are as rosy as you think?
I: Mute.
Premium: Why is it that at anything slightest provocation, you get furious and forget all good the things we shared, you even forget that you are a woman? You? refused to give me peace of mind?
I: Mute
(Pixabay)
At this point, I was expecting a pamper from him, but it wasn't coming, I felt he was fed up with my anger issues. Well, he has tried because I have messed Premium up even in public places.
There was this day I shouted at him in public and I wasn't sorry for that. I used Premium as a dumping ground for all my vexations.
On this day Premium told me that he wouldn't go ahead to date me again and that he was tired of the relationship. It dawned on me, that I didn't expect that from him, but what if I happened to be in his shoes, I would have been long gone.
My eyes cleared and I went down on my knees to beg.
You need to see my man, this guy is the type that doesn't joke with his decisions, he doesn't go back on his decisions. Getting him to turn away from such a decision was something so hard to accomplish.
Do I blame him? Not my anger caused this so I blamed myself.
I tried talking to him, begging and crying, but he was touched. He asked if I was ready for a relationship, and I responded in affirmation.
He told me to come down to be the woman, and with that, I would be ready.
Coming down to be a woman entailed handling my anger and thinking before making decisions. I accepted and we moved on.
One day I had a function to which I invited Premium, Premium graced the function and we were happy,
I introduced him to some of my friends too.
Though my anger issues haven't left me I do try to control it, not until the day I allowed it to take the better part of me again.
This day was a day I decided to visit Premium after the function, Premium told me he would come to pick me up, I was tired of waiting for him so I booked an Uber to his place, as the vehicle left my gate, Premium came in calling my phone, I picked and told Premium I was already on my way to His place. Premium drove towards us and caught up with us by the way. He needed to refuel and asked me to wait for him in the car. One thing led to another I got into a fight with the car driver and he dropped me on the road.
I was so furious I was looking for whom to vest my Anger on. Oh, I have Premium of course. He called me and I shouted at him on the phone, blaming him for not picking me up on time which made me engage in a fight.
Premium apologized and asked where I was, I hung the call on him and walked on foot.
Premium caught up with me on the way. He was shouting, hey babe! Hop in let's go, I snubbed him severally till he blocked my way.
He was pleading and dragging me then I was already overwhelmed with anger that I refused to follow him, I preferred walking on foot to a long distance.
All the efforts Premium made proved void and he left fully disappointed.
I sense he was so upset at that point. He called and called but I snubbed him.
Later on, I called him shouting and crying, I hanged all my vexations on him till he warned me not to call him since I can't allow him to help me out.
He hung up the call. After a few hours, I got to his apartment and decided to stay outside. I called my male Friends as many as I could reach trying to find comfort. Premium told me to get inside, but I snubbed him, later on, I got in but decided to keep mute at him.
My anger engrossed me till I slept, later I woke up calling my male friends again, and one of them agreed to come and pick me up from Premium's place.
I know it was a nasty move, but my ego won't allow me, and anger took over me, Premium understood that I was going astray, he is the kind of person that will allow you to disrespect him but you must surely regret it.
Very early in the morning, I packed my bag and dashed outside waiting for my friend to come and pick me up, Premium came out and asked me where I was going, I told him I was going to a friend's place who happened to be a guy.
He answered again, don't allow your anger to make you make decisions you will regret because if you leave my house to another man's house, you will not return to this place again.
My ears were blocked and all my mind was to leave his house.
But come to think of it, what did Premium do to me to deserve this? Nothing. I think but my anger was dealing with me, I had suffered since the previous night because my anger was holding me back.
I fell inside the gutter as I tried to find my way to Premium's house on foot, I should have just put away the anger and joined Premium, all those would have been taken care of.
I was so set to move in with this other guy because I thought he would be better, without knowing that Premium remained the best.
(Pixabay)
I was blinded anyway. Premium loved me so much, he couldn't watch me go. So he invited an old woman to talk to me. The old woman talking to me was the last thing he would do to keep me from going according to Premium.
Ezinne (good mother) as the woman is being called told me almost everything Premium usually tells me, I discovered how wonderful Premium is and how I can't afford to lose him.
I called the young man who was coming to pick me up and told him not to come again.
Not everyone can act as wisely as Premium, I decided to stay back and decided to fight my anger with my last breath.
(Pixabay)
Lessons
To all young girls out there, please always be the lady you are created to be, anger is not worth it, it can destroy.
Words said in anger can ruin lives and destroy relationships.
Decisions made in anger can be disastrous and irreversible.
I am so lucky to have Premium who has tolerated me this much, it may not be the same with another person.
Anger has striped me off a whole lot of goodies, anger once tried to ruin my relationship with Premium but he always saved us.
Stay away from anger, even if you must be angry, learn to manage it and you will be fine.
My anger took the better part of me and nearly ended in tears, but thanked God for Premium who saved me.
Thanks for reading, hope this changes lives.