" How are you feeling? "
Hello, what's up, my beloved hivers? I've missed writing, so I'll try to be productive. For today's blog, I want to share with you some random stuffs that was in my mind for awhile. Please bare with me if I am making this content a sort of my diary.
These past few weeks, even though there are plenty of tasks waiting since academic year 2023-2024 is bidding goodbye, I still feel bored-or tired? I don't know. I was alone here in the dormitory on weekends. I was trying to be productive, but the laziness is sipping in my bones. Even coffee can't stop my eyes from being sleepy.
And most of the time I feel like I'm lonely. I wanted to cry, but my tears wouldn't fall, and I really don't know why. My heart is filled with so much sadness. As I woke up in the morning, I felt like my brain was bombarded with so much negativity and all that. But on the other side of my head, I'm instilling positive thoughts that giving up is not a way to be satisfied and free from these struggles.
I was like, Why am I feeling so down when I'm just sitting and lying in bed? I feel a little bit jealous of other people who can handle their saddest journeys even when things aren't right.
Am I normal? Is this normal, or am I overthinking?
This is a very exhausting part when you don't know what to do. I feel sleepy, but whenever I have a chance to lay my back on the bed and close my eyes, my sleepiness will disappear.
Simple things like looking up at the night sky made my sad heart lift. It's kind of fulfilling and satisfying, which made me capture this kind of scenery.
I became so thankful that I was introduced to this kind of platform wherein I could express what I truly felt without any judgement from other people. I can feel the freedom to say the words that I can't say in person. This is so helpful.
Is this psychological? I guessed so. Because I think of negative things, that's why my body is too lazy to also do productive things. Maybe I think too much about the things I lack. Maybe I think too much about my problems, which makes me frustrated. Or is this the sign that I missed home already? Oh, how I wish I was able to go home. I was staying here in the boarding house for how many weekends? My mom told me to go home already, but I know it's a waste of money, so I chose to stay here.
I'll try to do stuff that will keep me busy, like cooking food and eating, to forget about these breakdown moments. I know that this is not healthy for my brain because I somehow feel dizzy every time I think about something like this.
My dear hivers, I'm so sorry to be this emotional. I really wanted to speak this out of my brain. Thankfully, I survived all the weekends that I was alone.
Thank you for reading my blog. I know this is nonsense, but I am genuinely thankful for the freedom to share this kind of thing. I love you all. God bless.