They say the eyes spill out uncontrollable water to ease the heart and how true is that?
I am left speechless for hours as my heart hurts... I know very well it is filled with pain-filled water, wanting to be let out but my eyes won't oblige. They were dry until she asked;
"Where is my son?"
He should be playing out I wanted to say but my tongues were tied with some ropes, maybe, and my lips glued. "Where is her son?" I asked my inner self and right there, a foreign piece of water slipped out from my eyes.
"Am I crying?" But I shouldn't, I don't have the heart for that... Do I? Has my heart become so warm to feel the coldness that surrounded the atmosphere?
I guess it did because I cried. I cried when I got home and cried while writing this. The hurt is too much. I just want it to end. He is just a kid. Not more than 6 years and now, ooo. And now, I can't find him anymore. He is just.... Gone!
Yesterday wasn't good. I had many challenges that were heart-wrenching but I was able to deal with them though they were tough.
Also, I have been having body aches, especially from my lap toward my feet, and also my two hands, and it got worse yesterday. I was stressed.
The day wasn't fair to me. So I thought... Looking back, I'd say yesterday was good because that same yesterday was the day a bright little lad took his last breath.
When I heard the news in the wee hours of today, I was dumbfounded. A close colleague had whispered it in my ear and closed my mouth to stop the scream that might come out. But I didn't scream. I was just weak. Another colleague of ours lost her child yesternight.
How come? I saw her two days ago, I tried to explain and she said her son is sick but she was all lively. I didn't know it was that tough. Then, how come?
He can't be dead. I didn't believe it and put my energy into work. He can't be. They must have heard wrong. She has lost a lot this year. Not this again. But after some hours, I admitted to the obvious truth. "Praise is dead and there is nothing we can do about it". Cruelty!!!! The world is full of pain, anguish, sorrows, and lots of heart-wrenching diseases.
He was young and energetic... No, he is young and filled with energy. I remembered asking him to get me something from another colleague when his Mum brought him to work.
His teacher said he is damn brilliant and could spell words using his sound. He is loved by many. A good soul. He is fun, playful, and loud. Haha. But now, I can't hear his voice anymore. Why? Death, why someone so young?
There are no words to comfort his Mother as we all went to see her. We were quiet and walked in. We didn't speak a word after seeing her. We just sat down lost in our grief.
"What words can we say to her that she hasn't heard before? How do we tell her to stop grieving? How do we tell her to cry out and not stuff everything inside? How do we do it? Just how..."
We prayed, and our voices cracked with music that bound our souls. We mourn our loss and it didn't end the pain. We all want Praise back but he is long gone. All we could do was embrace each other and seek the grace and strength to keep going. All we wish for.
Leaving her place, I went home but only to be hit with another piece of information. Another soul was lost and I couldn't hold myself back. Immediately I got home, I let the water out until there was hardly any left.
Right now, I don't know what to do. Watch a movie or just sleep. Anything to take my mind off the pain my heart is feeling. And I don't know, whichever works. I will stick with it because I am tired. So tired and in need of rest. My body also aches more and my eyes empty.
Still yours truly,
Balikis.
Thanks for reading.
Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.