It hurts me that I couldn't really make things happen in my 18th and now I am crossing to my 20th, and things are still not proving to get better yet. Although I am working towards it, not seeing any positive results breaks my heart, and it makes me feel like I am different, and the level and way life is actually treating me right is really hard. I want to make sure I do the writing thing, but I found out how lazy I am nowadays because of the final outcome... Money is one reason for my daily personal goal, and I get no support, but I can still look for money in other ways, but since I am not actually doing what I have passion about, I can perceive how weak I am getting by the day. Am freaking sad right now, and it's getting out of my hands because I want to make sure I do things on time. I dont want my life to be ruined because I still have time to fix it, but I am alone in this journey, and the part I chose, it's really hard to move on alone... I need support, and I need the help of God too. God is already making a way I believe, and that's why I am not yet out of my mind... But right now I'm not really happy; my memories and moments should be better ones and not sad ones. I am trying my best, and I believe I will fix it.