Hollow Tree
I Think Watching Winnie the Pooh as a Child...
Messed with my head.
That show, back then, was nothing like what they offer kids today. I'm certain the old versions were written and produced by LSD disguised as people.
These days it seems like Pooh moved up in the IQ department about thirty points, Piglet and Eeyore are medicated, and I think the Rabbit might be gay, but that's purely speculation.
Back then, Pooh was always getting his head stuck inside of things. Piglet was on meth. Eeyore ran out of weed and that damn Rabbit was busy trying to grow more, disguised as carrots of course.
They Played Pooh Films at School
When the teacher would pull out the massive clickety-clack film projector, that meant she wanted an extended coffee break and maybe a few more cigarettes. It also meant us kids were about to be treated to an already ancient episode of Winnie the Pooh, or some dumb ass documentary from the 50's about birds or log cabins.
The entire class watched the episode of Pooh where he gets his damn head stuck inside of a tree, everyone enjoyed it, then the bell rang. We all had an hour to eat and then head outside for some rest and relaxation.
There just so happened to be a hollow tree on school grounds. It was near the southwest corner, if I remember correctly.
I do remember being on the swings when I noticed a crowd begin to form around this particular tree. I became curious, so my little clique and I headed on over there.
Dumb-Ass Dale
He was the kid that always had to be told to shut the hell up in class. Now, there he is, with his goddamn head stuck in a tree. His shoulders too. People thought he was faking it until we all started to pull really hard and his screams only got louder.
The janitor came with a drill. Nobody asked him to. He just thought the kid might need a few air holes. His plan was rejected by the one and only teacher on guard duty that afternoon.
Dale was asked if he could breathe, he insisted he was fine and that he simply could not get out. A few kids were taunting him. We knew he had a temper. If he was faking it, he'd reject the insults, slide out, and feel the need to beat some ass. That plan didn't work either.
I asked him what it looked like inside. He said, "It looks like hell and flames are getting hotter!"
That Dale, always with the jokes.
The Bell Rang Again
Lunchtime was over, but nobody wanted to leave the scene of the incident.
Finally, the principal shows up. We all saw him arrive in his pimped out Pontiac Parisienne. He didn't appear to be happy. He joined the crowd. Looked at the teacher like she was soon to be fired, then stormed indoors. Not two minutes later he's back, but this time he has a secret weapon.
No, it wasn't an axe. It was the gym teacher. He didn't care if kids suffered or how loud they screamed. It was his job to punish everyone with exercise and he acted like a nut job drill sergeant when he did it.
He pulled Dale out and made him do ten laps. Those scrapes on his neck meant nothing. The rest of us were sent back to class with the threat of twenty laps to help encourage us to move faster.
Yup
Things sure have changed in this world.
Had that happened today, the parents would have been called to the scene instantly. Kids would be recording evidence for the ensuing court battle. The news van would be there. People would be arguing over whether to save the tree or the kid. The principal wouldn't know what to do so he'd be on the phone calling his boss, who would then have to call his boss, who would then have to call her boss, who would then start writing up a report to be filed and we'll all get an answer within the week. Meanwhile the entire thing is already live on Facebook and soon to be uploaded to Youtube.
Dale Turned Out Fine
Last I heard, he's making hundreds of thousands of dollars per year working in the oil field. Must be nice. All I'm left with are these memories and nothing to do with them but write them down and hope for the best.
And That, My Friends... is the story about how Pooh messed with my head.
Have a nice day.
