We Don't Need no Stinkin' Introduction!
First: Ass Dust!
What is this stuff! Why is it sprinkled all over the toilet! Is that dead crabs! Are they moving! How do you manage to make such a goddamn mess and not notice! Like I need a trail of breadcrumbs just to find out you recently took a shit! Come on! Who does that! Ass powder sprinkled all over the goddamn toilet! How! Why! I don't want to know what it is! Just wipe it off at least! Damn! Get the shop-vac if you have to! Something! Anything! Cover your mouth when you cough, Ass Face!
Second: Talkative Moron Holding Up the Line!
Shut up! Who cares about your cookies! This is a bank! Get your money and get out! Yes! It's cold out today! Go small talk with someone who isn't getting paid to be nice to you! I'm staring at you! We're all staring at you! This one guy just looked at me and rolled his goddamn eyes! Do you not know what this means! Move! Go! Go! Go! Now! Get out! Get out! Come on!
Third: That Damn Train!
Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! How do you like it! Huh! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Do I come to your house and shake your plates! No! I don't! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!
Fourth: That Drunk Chick at the Bar!
Stop laughing! Please! Just shut up! It's been over an hour! Who laughs for an entire hour at the top of their lungs! You're one drink away from death and you can't stop laughing! Slow down! Someone call this woman an ambulance! Get her the hell outta here! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Which one of you perverts slipped her the damn ecstasy tab! Something isn't right here! Why are your friends joining in now! This is a sports bar! I'm trying to relax! There, see! That's what you get! Calm down and you wouldn't be soaked in beer right now! Finally something for me to laugh at! Don't give me that look! It's not my fault you can't stand up properly without falling forward onto the table and spilling everyone's drink! I don't care about your phone! The screen is cracked anyway! You needed a new one! Go home!
Fifth: That word!
Fifth! Fifth! Fifth! I doesn't sound right! It doesn't look right! Why does it exist! Someone needs to fix that word! Fifth! Fifuhthh!
Sixth: See above!
Same - damn - thing!
Seventh: That guy on the trending page!
Are you on glue! Who spends thousands of dollars just so everyone can see them bitching and moaning! How is that not embarrassing! I know people who will do that for free! Who's paying attention to them! Nobody! A guy at the bus stop once told me how much he hates the New York Yankees because I said hello to him! Does that make sense! No! But he did it anyway! And you damn right a crowd started to form! He went on about it for over fifteen minutes! It's called making a scene! I didn't care! His eyes were bulging and veins were sticking out on his forehead! I wasn't scared! "All top Steemit authors buy votes!" What! What! What! What! What! You could have purchased an entire month on public access tv and sold me a psychic reading for less than what you paid for two days of bitching! This comedy writes itself!
Eighth: These dirty things!
I'm trying to quit! Can you tell! Is it showing! Triggered! Triggered! Triggered! Triggered! You would not believe how therapeutic this is! Triggered! Ahhhh! Ahhh! Ahh! I'm out of breath! I don't know whether to laugh or cry! That's almost too much for one day but I'm hanging in there! One more little jolt and I might be throwing myself through a window! Always wanted to be a stuntman! Triggered! Triggered! Triggered! Triggered!
Okay: I think I feel better now.
Have a nice day!
