A man walks into his office, opens up his laptop and hits the play button that flashes on his screen. A David Bowie Elton John mashup, made specifically for this moment, begins to play through his computer speakers.
Ground Control to Major Tom Commencing countdown, engines on. Check ignition and may God's love be with you.
As the song plays, the man navigates his way to the internet browser icon on his desktop. He opens up a webpage and logs into his account.
Ten Nine Eight Seven Six
Full of anxious excitement, the man’s pointer finger hovers over the right click button of his mouse. He has waited days for this, counting down the minutes and now the moment is finally here.
Five Four Three Two One Liftoff
His finger comes down on the mouse and with dedicated precision he clicks BUY. With the music belting in the background he yells out
“I'm a rocket mmmmmaaaaaaaannnnn!!!!” “burning out his fuse up here alone.”
The mouse moves across the screen rapidly - Click. And again - Click. Excitement builds within him with each time that his finger hits the button, each click signalling another BUY order.
And I think it's gonna be a long long time Till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
“Rocket man!!!!” “burning out his fuse up here alone.”
Source
Tokens move from the exchange to his wallet and soon his entire fiat account is drained.
This is Ground Control to Major Tom You've really made the grade And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Air guitaring and drumming like a fiend at the desk – baa-buh, baa-buh, buh. The man calls out, “Yeah! I'm a crypto-rocket man!”
This is Major Tom to Ground Control I'm stepping through the door And I'm floating in a most peculiar way And the stars look very different today
With satisfaction sweeping over him the man sits back in his chair taking stock in his accomplishment.
For here Am I sitting in a tin can Far above the world Planet Earth is blue And there's nothing I can do
“Eh-hem.”
A sound comes from behind him. The man swivels in his chair to find his wife standing in the doorway of their office.
“What are you doing right now?”
“Uhhh. I’m just buying some crypto.”
…[Pause]...
…[Pause]...
“Seriously? How much money have you lost so far in crypto?”
“Uhhh? ...[Thinking]... We’re not talking about that right now.”
The woman rolls her eyes and walks out of the room. The man sits in silence for a few moments. He turns the music back up and quietly to himself he sings
“And I think it's gonna be a long long time 'till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home oh no no no"
"I'm a crypto-rocket man"
Space Oddity by David Bowie
Rocket Man by Elton John
