Hello, my fellow Steemers! This is the 11th part of my series post about Filipino jokes which I have translated for Western audiences. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, and 10 if you have not read them already.
The most hilarious Filipino jokes I have ever heard in my life were the green jokes narrated by my classmates and friends during my high school years. I could translate them but many are quite offensive for some people. If there is a popular demand for it I could post it. But it would have to be tagged NSFW.
There are still a lot more funny jokes that need translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.
So please read and enjoy!
The Guilty One
This really happened during my high school days. One of my classmates, who was a big bully, silently farted during class. And so the room was filled with a sickening stench...
TEACHER: (Very angry) I want the one who did that to say sorry to this class or he will be given a full day's suspension!
BULLY CLASSMATE: @darthnava did it! @darthnava, say you're sorry!
ME: (Feeling hurt) Why are you accusing me? AS HEAVEN IS MY WITNESS, I HOPE THE ONE WHO DID FARTED DIES TODAY!
BULLY CLASSMATE: (Suddenly got afraid) I am sorry, my classmates! I farted.
That line always works to find out the guilty who farted.
Don't be Shy
A beautiful and sexy girl went to a doctor for a routine medical check-up
SEXY GIRL: Doc, I am too shy to remove my clothes in front of you.
DOCTOR: Don't be shy, young lady. I am a doctor. To make yourself comfortable, I will turn off the light.
Doctor turns off the light.
SEXY GIRL: Doctor, where will I put my clothes?
DOCTOR: On that table next to my pants, young lady!
Closure
BOSSY LADY: Nana, did you close the gate?
SERVANT: Yes, Ma'am!
BOSSY LADY: What about the door?
SERVANT: Yes, Ma'am!
BOSSY LADY: What about the windows?
SERVANT: Already done, Ma'am!
BOSSY LADY: Uhmmm... What else in this house that hasn't been closed yet???
SERVANT: Your mouth, Ma'am!
The Portrait
One day in a museum...
TOURIST: Is this what you call "art"? Its so ugly! Whose portrait is this painting anyway?
TOURIST GUIDE: No sir, it is just a mirror!
The Suicide Attempt
JOHN: Thomas, why are you tying a rope around your leg?
THOMAS: Mary doesn't love me! I wanna die! I want to kill myself!
JOHN: What??? Why tie the rope around your leg? You are suppose to tie it around your neck!
THOMAS: I did! But I can't breathe!
Translated from Source: 
Follow me as @darthnava: "Steem On till the sun fades away"