Here is another round of Filipino jokes translated. I have to translate some words and names just to cater to western audiences and some may not even be funny to western ears when in English. They are best discussed in Filipino for the humorous impact.
At the barbershop
BARBER: What hairstyle do you want?
CUSTOMER: Do you know the style that's weird, messy and uneven?
BARBER: What's that? Sir, I don't know that one.
CUSTOMER: Oh, yes you do. You did that to my hair last time!
Test scores
TEACHER: Class, Johnny got a test score of 98%!
JOHNNY:(Bragging) See, guys? I told you, if you follow my lead you are going to be the smartest kid around here like me!
TEACHER: The rest of the class got 100%!
Lost child
Meanwile at a very crowded festival...
MOTHER: (Talking to her child) Darling, no matter what happens don't let go of my skirt, okay? There are too many people around and you might get lost!
An hour later...
MOTHER: Officer! Have you seen my child???
POLICEMAN: (Surprisedly staring at her) No, what did your kid look like?
MOTHER: He's carrying my skirt!
Rural look
BOYFRIEND: I'm angry at John! He claims I look like a farmer whenever I'm with you!
GIRLFRIEND: Ha-ha! Don't be mad. I'm sure he's just joking! Why would he say that?
BOYFRIEND: He said that you look like a cow!
Not fit
After a hard day of work at the office...
JOHN: I'm gonna go home and remove my wife's panties immediately!
JIM: Whoah! Slow down...Why you are so horny today?
JOHN: My wife's panties are too tight! It doesn't fit me!
Love hurts
PETER: It hurts! She left me for someone else!
JOHN: Huh? Where exactly did she leave you?
The drunkard
POLICEMAN: Hey, you are drunk! Go home!
DRUNKARD: No, I'm not!
POLICEMAN: Do you know who I am?
DRUNKARD: Yes, you are a cop! See, I know you! Then, do you know who I am?
POLICEMAN: No, I don't.
DRUNKARD: Then you are the one who's drunk! Go home!
The body
There was a commotion across the street. Someone died after being hit by a car and was lying on the pavement. John was so curious to look that he made his way quickly through the crowd of onlookers by lying through his teeth.
JOHN: Make way! Make way! Let me through! He's my brother!
The crowd quickly made way for him and John saw the dead body and was ashamed.
It was a bloody dead monkey!
The news
DOCTOR: I got both good news and bad news for you...
JOHN: What's the good news?
DOCTOR: The good news is... you got 24 hours to live.
JOHN: Huh? That's not so good! What's the bad news?
DOCTOR: The bad news is I forgot to tell you the good news yesterday!
Exposed
TEEN GIRL: Dad, I can finally do the cartwheel tumbling at school!
DAD: I told you not to do that gymnastics stunt there because everyone can see your panties!
TEEN GIRL: It's okay! I put my panties in my bag first!
Follow me as @darthnava: "Steem is in your eyes."
