The coziness of Christmas or whatever you celebrate during the winter holidays is given by hanging around with the ones you love, eating more food than you need to, crying yourself to sleep at night because you feel lonely and all sorts of fun stuff. But one of my favorite things to do on Christmas and the days around it is re-watch films. Season flavored classics that everyone needs to see at least once in their life and that kinda have an increase in entertainment efficiency if you watch them at the end of December.
You might've seen some of these, if not all, but I know sometimes even I forget which movies I should rewatch, so here goes my list:
1. Bad Santa
This one has a lot of alcohol and a lot of sex in it. With fat women mostly. It speaks to me especially in the years I find myself depressed around Christmas. For some reason I avoided it this year, saving it for 2018 or 2019, you know, for the added re-watch value over time.
Billy Bob Thornton really delivers as the best Grinch ever, without even trying or pretending any moment to be it. He dresses up as Santa for days in a row just for their big heist and he fucks anything that moves, whilst also appearing drunk in public in front of children.
Also, if you've seen the Gilmore Girls, Lorelei gets fucked here by Billy Bob and sure feels like she is a lot cheaper than she was in the TV series. And that's nice to see for a change. Or disturbing. Not sure which one.
2. Die Hard
Right off the bat I'm gonna have to say: yipee-ki-yay, mother fucker. OK, now that that is out, I can talk about the movie.
It was the late 80's and action movies with a singular one-man-kills-them-all hero were very popular. Plus, that is in a way very similar to the myth of Jesus Christ. Did I just say myth? I meant story. No, I meant... erm... christian thingy, you know, that one that the whole Christmas thing is based on? Anyway, Bruce Willis is the savior in this one and he's damn good at it. He'd make Jesus Christ proud.
3. Scrooged
If you had to take one 'scrooge' movie, where an ex-good guy turned bitter is visited by the ghosts of Christmas, you'd want that guy to be Bill Murray. His hairdo is at its most ridiculous in this one. On the other hand, his love interest in Scrooged is the dullest possible human being, this vapid albeit compassionate woman who just wasn't able to find another man in the 15 years that they hadn't spoken to each other, but hey, it was the misogynistic 80's and who am I to judge?
4. Smoke
OK, this one is in here mostly for the Christmas story featured in it, which only lasts about 13 minutes of the film, but it damn right is one of the best Christmas stories you'll ever hear, just as Harvey Keitel says in the movie. Still, I'd recommend the whole movie, because it's good either way.
5. Jingle All the Way
Arnold Schwarzenegger, a decade after starring in Terminator and Predator, takes up the role of a dad that wants to prove himself to his son by buying the toy that he wants. Which happens to be very rare when he tries to find it. And his kid, being well-educated into consumerism and all, would only still love his father if he finds it. Otherwise, he'd rightfully start ignoring him and eventually sentence him to a shitty retirement home when he gets old. Is that a great premise for cozy Christmas feelings or what?
6. The Really Fucking Obvious Ones
I mean, dude, a lot of them have the word 'Christmas' in their title. Go with these if you are forced by the circumstances (watching with the family) or have some sort of cheesy nostalgia. Or maybe you just want to see Donald Trump casually talking to Macaulay Culkin in a hotel lobby in the 90's or you want to watch a fucking cartoon. Anyway, in this category you will find the family movies that often tell the story of some youngster with a pure heart having a hard time because of this bad world we live in, but in the end it's all peachy creamy thanks to Christmas miracles.