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In the words of Michael J Fox, "family is not an important thing, it is everything". Previously on Family Therapy, I posited that God's purpose for the family is companionship and despite my attempt to over estimate the importance of companionship I couldn't quite achieve this feat. Is it possible to build a healthy family? What are the roles of the husband and the wife in building a healthy family? What are the factors that can cause a healthy family to decay? Stay strapped for answers to these pertinent questions.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so does the journey into building a healthy family. Many will say 'before marriage comes courtship' but it is expedient to add 'before courtship comes friendship'. At some point in our lives we will meet this significant other person that causes butterflies to fly in our belly, that will make us desire to love and to be loved! We get obsessed with being involved with the person. All these feelings are beautiful without a doubt, the pitfall to avoid is not to let this beautiful and wayward feelings cloud our sense of reasoning. If you love someone so much it's too easy to overlook the negative vibes coming from the person, your sense of judgement has been impaired.
Therefore to build a healthy family, it is more sensible we start as friends with whoever we want to date. Get to know each others views about life, family, career etc. It is Crystal clear that two people who can't relate, play together, go on outings, engage in stimulating conversations because they have divergent views that can't be bridged will struggle in marriage. This is more so because when lives challenges arise, and the feelings of love and attraction reduces, it is friendship and understanding that will sustain the home.
After the friendship stage comes love and courtship. The lovers at this stage needs to do more talking than romancing. Communication brings about deeper understanding and trust. Key issues that should be discussed should include your plans for the future, where you both will like to Settle down, the number of children you wish to have, the type of school the kids will attend, family account, how disputes will be settled in future should they arise etc. Most importantly, both parties need to seek God's consent before marriage by praying. Without a doubt, there would be differences, both parties should make compromises. If however there is an irreconcilable difference and compromise is impossible, both parties need to think deeply before proceeding to the next stage. It is worthy of note to mention that a broken relationship is much better than a broken marriage.
After successful courtship, marriage naturally follows. This is not actually mission accomplished. Actually it is the beginning of a mission to stay together for better or for worse. Don't be scared, if you have chosen a good spouse, staying together shouldn't be difficult. If you had chosen a bad one, God help you. Creating a great family is a task that that must be embraced by both the husband and wife. Simple ingredients that promotes a healthy union includes the following:
Healthy Communication - always seek each others opinion before taking any step in life;
Companionship - Always be your partners companion and soulmate;
Good romance - never stop buying gifts, giving compliments, looking attractive, showing you care etc to your partner simply because you are now married;
Don't politicise sex- a healthy sex life improves the bonds between a couple.
Prayer - a couple that prays together stays together;
Say no to third parties - never allow anyone come between you and your spouse.
While the above factors promotes a healthy family, the items below will make a good home decay quickly:
Lack of companionship;
Infidelity;
Keeping of secrets;
Lack of trust;
Bad romance;
Lack of daily communion with God;
Putting a third party before your spouse;
Poor conflict resolution etc.
Indeed if the most important thing in the world is family and love, no human sacrifice and compromise towards building a healthy family is too high. I wish you a flourishing family!
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